Breaking Radio Silence: Pukka Pies For Neglected Rochdale

Those Nutty Slack boys at the ever disgraceful Rochdale RAW have it seems been playing with themselves until their battered members are quite the red raw mess. Jismic explosion follows jismic explosion upon jismic explosion. Their knees have turned to water .. and they think they're going blind:

Jismic explosion one: PR Paul Rowen MP has declared him self gravy train lobbyist of the year. Until the RAW boys got busy his own announcement of this huge honour was the only one in the universe, since records began. There's even some doubt Rowen rose to the occasion and did any of the masturbatory gravy train campaigning in question, whether what he has or has not done is any good for anyone but himself, and whether the money that may or may not have changed hands in the course of the act came in brown paper envelopes.

Jismic explosion two: PR Paul Rowen MP scarcely got a mention in the RAW boys' premature exaggerations about a sticky end for Groups Ex Action among the Rochdale Council Lib Dem swingers club. A licence to print money for million pounds PR Paul. Still raising dirty great dollops of campaign cash through self-abusing and secretive bondage and prostitution.
Without the slightest recognition in accounts or declarations the Pi-MP's Drake Street party operation takes between ten and twenty percent of the council chamber allowances action.
There have been runaways from this enforced taxing from PR. Will this continue if they're tearing each others throats put? Taylor - Sharif - Hennigan (right). Going Going Gone?

Jismic explosion three: What to do to soak up all the gravy slushing around PR Paul's gravy train? Leaving items of curved yellow fruit to one side PR Paul, who protested in the first round of expenses revelations that he scarcely claimed for any un-receipted food at all, has been tucking in at an average rate of two hundred of your English pounds per month. Un-receipted. Could be 5000 kgs of ASDA bananas for all we know. But the nutty boys say it's largely been taken in pies. And looking at PR Paul's waistline they may be right. At least they're not saying it's pints. That would be very wrong of him. Way over Paul's recommended weekly units. And getting bladdered on the tax payer? Surely not!

Which all brings us to Pukka Pies (£1.65 retail at the Brim Chippy) who are going to award the winner of the UK Snooker Championships their weight in their sponsor wares on top of their cheque. The Mail have the pictures of the pig frighteners.

PR Paul Rowen would surely be way outside the range of 356 to 276 pies of these snooker semi-finalists? A 500 pie-er perhaps? Can anyone trick him onto John Leech (approx 340 pies) MP's tax payer funded Weightwatcher scales (£57)?

Sir Cyril "Slap Up" Smith MBE might have been close to the 1000 pie mark in his prime I reckon? Three Ronnie O'Sullivans do you think? Perhaps more? Clearly he's all shrivelled now, in his dotage, but back in the day what was Cyril Smith's weight in pies?