Friday, January 26, 2007

Scientologists: Cruise Will Die for Our Sins Libdemologists: We'll Appoint a Looky Likey

The Scientologists, inspired by the oft-resurrected but now admittedly completely dead man L Ron Hubbard, have now found their new personal Jesus in Tom Cruise.

The Libdemologists must be feeling under pressure to secure their own new and improved Jesus. To replace the god-like but past it genius of their saviour W Ming Campbell.

Keeping things simple, and the -ologies correctly competing for the same crackpot fringe, the party managers are it seems agreed. Even Sarah Teather is agreed for now though, as 25th in the succession, she needs to see the first female Jesus for the party some time soon and will urge the assassination rate to markedly increase.

The Libdemologists must prioritise having a new looky likey, similar in visage to the new master of the Church of the Poisoned Mind. Hallelujah!

Above The Sun's scoop

Libdemologists may follow Scientologists in replacing their 60s model


leisure2004 said...
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Anonymous said...

I’m writing you to ask for your help. This post, based on a “report” by one of England’s worst tabloids “The Sun”, is 100% false. It is also harmful, libelous and foments incorrect notions about my religion Scientology so as to cause strife and intolerance. I need your help to set the record straight.

In actual fact, nobody within the Church of Scientology considers themselves to be “Christ-like” – this would be a very inappropriate and arrogant comment and I’m sure you can see how this is being used only to antagonize Christians everywhere.

We Scientologists appreciate Tom Cruise’s efforts as a spokesperson of many of our Church’s initiatives. But he’s just an actor, holds no rank within our Church, and is by NO MEANS a “prophet” – and I am certain he himself would be embarrassed at the thought.

I hope you can help me in setting the record straight. The “Sun” is lying. Please get in touch with the Church’s Media Relations department, at

Thank you.

Greg Churilov,
Scientology Parishioners League

PS: At no point did anyone within the Church of Scientology consider Mr. Hubbard "resurrected." Mr. Hubbard passed away from heart failure at 74 years of age in 1986, after a full and happy life, and we remember him with fondness and respect, as befitting a man of good will who left a legacy behind him.