Scooch for Eurovision: The Song's a Dog, UK May Have a Chance

Marvellous. The Great British Public have chosen the dropped-by-BMG-from-a-great-height SCOOCH and their excreable song. It is such a dog of a song that it may just win. "I'm afraid you may be right" said Tel to Fearne as she made this point. They are like a send up of a bad seaside drag cabaret act (no offence). Just the ticket.

The other finalist Cyndi was no Shirley Bassey, but she was bad.

During Red Nose Day the Telethon the public were told by a Mr Kielty that they SHOULD NOT ring the Celebrity X Factor 'phone lines anymore. They would get through. Their money would be taken. But their votes wouldn't count. Business as usual then. Eurovision was not troubled by such confessions.

TRIVIA SPECIAL: A band I used to manage Distant Cousins entered the selection once with a fantastic song called Echo of an Emotion. We were signed to Dick Leahy Music (George Michael, Lightning Seeds and before that The Jam, Pink Floyd, Donna Summer etc etc) but A&R folk from SCOOCH's ex-company are still asking after the tune. It was much too good for EV.

It has been shortlisted but not in fact recorded by among others Tom Jones and er, Shirley Bassey. It was mostly written by Simon Milner whose dad Martin was leader of the Halle Orchestra. 10% however was reserved for Captain Mog our bass player and Brookside character actor - who may be one of the unluckiest musicians in the entire history of rock and pop. His contribution was a bass intro like Big Ben only better. More on Mog perhaps anon.

Linking neatly back to Mr Kielty I believe he was the interviewer on BBC Radio Northern Ireland when our drummer Snuff offered to do an 'impression' live on air. Fine said Kielty. So he 'did' it. Dead silence. Well sand is not noisy. Brilliant radio. Art even.