Sunday, August 19, 2007

Conservative Cobblers: But Jailhouse InJustice

Various Tory Boy Bloggers have fraudulently wiretapped, bin-searched and infiltrated the arse end of the Mail's ever reliable and tight sub-editing team to find a shock horror blogsclusive (tm LOL) involving some despicable Mirror journalist going under cover. What an alarming development in the Street of Shame! Going under cover!! Who'd have thought it! With a somethingly misleading cover story!! Cripes!

Here we go: Dog Bites Man! No, sorry: Journalist Goes Undercover! What an absolute barn burner of a story that is!

There is of course a lovely twist with the "victims" of this farrago being ... wait for it ... a political party ...

And there's more ... not just any party ... those lifelong bastions of honour and fidelity ... domain of the half-woman-half-old-school-hang-'em-and-flog-'em-and-then-send-them-back-to-umbongo-monster that is Caroline Spelman's ... Tory party.

Outrageous. Really. How will young Emily-Student-Journalist ever again sleep-at-night? Naturally there are one or two lewd recommendations in comments from various competing-for-outrage Tory Boy Bloggers.

Emily is I suspect doing work experience at the Mirror, down for the hols from Oxford. She's not from the BNP who are of course also sworn to infiltrate the Tories. Where exactly is the harm in it?

They did Buckingham Palace - how we laughed at Brenda's Tuperware box of Cornflakes! They most likely did a few gangs of badger baiters. And a dodgy religious cult or three. And some grimy hospitals, slack airlines, vicious rest homes, countless drugs gangs, any number of rehabs and health farms.

Now, why not, the most two-faced political party in the land? Fair game I say. After the glorious 12th. Definitely in season. Tally ho!

So where does all this angst and bluster come from? In Iain Dale's case from quite near the epicentre of angst in fact. Somewhere in Switzerland where despite having an indiginous clock industry they are not on British Summer Time leading Jailhouse Lawyer to a comradely but sadly rather inaccurate expose (exclusive! and blogsclusive!) that Dale is making a false claim of an exclusive.

MEANWHILE: Andy Coulson, the Tory Spin Supremo, is letting others do the talking for some reason. Possibly still licking his wounds over wire-tap-gate?

And although young Emily was up for a £40,000 a year role she has been delightfully upstaged by a more mature and, dare-I-say?, not remotely convincing, Tory mole who has swung £60,000, 20 weeks annual leave, a humungous pension, various perks and allowances, and a right royal welcome from we Socialists.

I'm told that everything he has so far told to Cameron and Redwood has turned to dust in their mumbling mouths.

UPDATE: Not work experience. 25 years old. School website very out of date. Must try harder.


Anonymous said...

Get some links and pictures in that - you lazy bugger.

Chris Paul said...

Guido is suggesting they got her by googling her name. This is I think post-rationalisation. May come back to it. Apart from sticking in all the links and pictures etc etc.

Being an instinctively careful kind of chap I'm not sure about using the pic from CH for example as its provenance does not quite tally with the CV Greenslade has quoted ...

Iain Dale said...

This has to rate as your most mad post yet.

tapestry said...

are you trying to say anything here?

Monica said...

Good grief, Chris - you really aren't taking your tablets, are you. Ursula told me you had dumped her because "you had a mission" and you said you were "going to do those Tory boys".

I think you need to come back to our therapy sessions very soon.

Chris Paul said...

Thanks Iain, "Ursula" (still missing you already, WHEN did you say you were going?), "Monica".

Tapestry: I'm saying that the Tory Boy Bloggers' reaction to this magnificent yet failed attempt at a spot of investigative journalism is way OTT. It is not much of a story.

There are better stories in yesterday's Mail on Sunday that are being missed.

Where is Coulson on this one anyway?

PS I'm enjoying seeing all these new lady bloggers commenting at Iain's and now here, following the unconscionable 14% statistic revealled by Iain's research. Good to see the sudden upturn in gender balance.