Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Libdemologists: Insufficient Deaths, Too Much Rain

Hot on the heels of bankrupt Liverpool it seems the Lib Con alliance in Birmingham are looking for scapegoats as their budget runs riot.

Just as well that the Libdemologists and Con merchants themselves who set the budget are not to blame. If so there could be a rout at the polls next May.

So just who are the guilty parties? According to the Birmingham Post the buck passing Lib Cons say main culprits are:

1. Old Folk who just won't die - the old hold outs!

People aren't dying quickly enough for Birmingham City Council to be able to balance its books. A £1.2 million shortfall in income from burial and cremation services is the consequence of a healthier population and a sharp increase in life expectancy, the council cabinet has heard.

2. Orphans, waifs and strays - the little buggers!

An increase in the number of children being taken into care by social services – a figure that has been rising steadily for several years ... overspent by £3.5 million by the end of the year ... Les Lawrence ... said the number of young people in care had risen by more than 100 in a year to stand at 2,153. There was no way of predicting further increases which were largely the result of social trends, he added.

LOL: Apart from that history of rising steadily for several years Les?
Tory Les: "I defy anyone to fix a budget to cope with this."

3. Surprise rain in Britain - water hazard golf courses!

A £269,000 overspend in the leisure, sport and culture budget is being blamed on the wet summer, which hit income from the city's municipal golf courses.

These three alone account for £5M of the gaping £7M budget defecit. And Lib Cons still must find scapegoats for a further £30M of efficiency savings they must make.

Some suggestions, please add your own or examples of Lib Dem and Lib Con scapegoating when their sums don't add up, in comments:

A. Walking on pavements - causes unnecessary wear and tear!
B. Kids in schools - won't teach to syllabus!
C. Refuse collections - mucky citizens produce rubbish!

More often than not Libdemologists and Tories promise council tax freezes or council tax cuts. Then having had ten or twenty years slagging off councillors, officers and hands on workers alike they are faced with some hard decisions.

When inevitably their sums just don't add up they blame: OAPs for not dying, Waifs and strays for increasing 5%, and unseasonal rainfall. Quite right too! As Ming Campbell assured us in his conference speech all those months ago - only Lib Dems know how to run the economy.

HAT TIP: Returning hero Cllr Bob Piper


Anonymous said...

Not dying and using Crematorium services is hard to beat. Perhaps this is why John Leech MP was drumming up support and encouraging local OAPs to throw themselves into open graves?

Anyway some excuses:

D.Not enough people have parked illegally this year
E.Grass cutting costs have spiralled uncontrollably due to global warming
F.There has been far less binge drinking than we predicted

London Rubber Company said...

Unprotected Brummy shagging in celebration of the Lib Con 2004 victory has now led to a run on nursery places. "Unpredictable" say Lib Cons "We only had three years to get used to it"

Chris Paul said...

Still, moaning about people not dying is leading the way. Is there any way to match that?

Glum brum librarian said...

More people brought their books back on time or renewed them online. This contributed to a gazillion pound under-achievement in Library revenue and will lead directly to closures in the near future.