Dave Ottewell Exclusive: Pissed Off at Wonderwall

Dave Ottewell of the Manchester Evening News may have lynched an anomalous urinal user - he doesn't dare say. But could it be he acted as judge, jury and executioner without a full and frank deduction, and killed an innocent man? The supposed crime? Unnecessarily using the middle urinal in a bay of three. Breaking all the established laws of Piss-ics. But what's this?

ALBERT EINSTEIN WRITES: The man may have been a hangover from a set of urinals which were momentarily full with three users having been approached correctly. Obviously he must have been the third user under Ottewell Law One and Law Two, neglecting Law Three for the sneaky use of sit down facilities. And as third user would on average have been the sole survivor. Until that is Ottewell rocked up with his killer streak.