End of the Class War: Charity Begins at Home

Really great news! Dave Cameron's New Fangled Conservatives have ended the class war! Trouble is: they really don't get it, do they?

That finger-to-the-pulser Baroness Warsi (right), the utterly unelected and accident-prone shadow community cohesion minister, says without irony that the Tories have always been on the side of the poor.

Yeah right! On their backs more like. Exploiting slaves and starvation wage slaves alike. Opposing workers' rights. Opposing minimum wage. Saying "sink or swim" and "on your bike" and "devil take the hindmost".

But I digress. Baroness Warsi isn't just saying this. She has an argument. Her ladyship justifies her bizarre claim on the grounds that some party supporters have traditionally worked in charity shops. You know? For the Townswomen's Guild, the Free Rotarians, and the Hunt Ball Supporters Club.

Not to forget that "soooper" local charity in Slough where the lost boys always seem so, you know, laid back and cheerful. Of ever so humble origins they may be ... but they've got a plummy boating song on their up-curled lips and a jazz cigarette secreted behind their lowly bike sheds.

The Baroness is trying to put other claims behind us. The not-so-bizarre claim that some party supporters run dark satanic mills; had the poor's guts for garters; flogged, killed, raped and trampled; tried to deny us paupers the vote; smashed fox cubs to death with empty Bollie bottles, and most recently shorted the fuses of the City of London and NYSE. Very empathetic I'm sure.

This is in the same bizarre class consciousness at the millionairess Lynne Featherstone MP encourging unemployed, retired and on-the-sick Lib Dem members to try for council. That way they'd be able to supplement their £30 (sic) pensions with expenses and get themselves a servant! Well "a cleaner" is what she said to be fair.

And to be excruciatingly party politically class neutral it's also a bit like Labour's Conference of 2005 being regaled by Baroness Amos and Baron Faulkner on "engaging with the electorate". Like what they never done did themselves. Not even with the trade unionists and rank and file members they were sending into the godforsaken trenches.

You couldn't make it up. Full interviews with Warsi, Pickles and Hunt are set to appear in The Sunday Telegraph. Where else now the Thunderer has let the class down? Sadly Johnson, Osborne and Cameron have been rather held back by their unfortunately well-to-do backgrounds. Commanding the giddy heights of Cabinetcy but not allowed to plum the depths by jaw-jawing doncha know on the end of class, particularly not to the hoi polloi! Arf arf.

The first thing these two charitable and condescending women need to do is toddle down to an Oxfam, in a nice area natch, get themselves a nice real fox fur muffler, and KEEP IT BUTTONED. Lest their words start another beastly class war. We don't want that.