Nadine Dorries MP, How Very Could You? Q69-78 Dry Exposition of Data Mining

First appeared as part of the Nuts in November series on 30 November 2009.

Question 68: We all saw that extraordinary Times article in which a Mum-P pimped a couple of Cotswold properties that were proving extraordinarily sticky when it came to selling at the desired profit margin. Did you really think that this twitter in the Times - the £40,000 garden you would never enjoy etc - would add 35% to the price of your failing, stuck on the market doer upper projects? Did you?

Question 69: In the course of this puff piece we discovered that Paul David Dorries, the hubby you were about to publically drop like a stone, was a Medieval "Freak". Was this some kind of code?

Question 70: Because this surely cannot be a reference to Mr Dorries' respect for medieval architecture - in so far as chocolate box Chipping Campden really is that rather than a Victorian confection with the odd vestigial medieval feature anyway - as we find that the Dorries and Dorries "Property Ladder" team actually added a huge conservatory made primarily of white uPVC window units and black PolyCarbonate roofing to the circa 1340 Woolstaplers Hall. What possessed the pair of you to do that?

Question 71: And of course the nearby Singer House conversion into three rooms of a Bed and Breakfast enterprise was no more sympathetic. Your buyer sought and got listed building planning consent to restore an in proportion staircase, among a number of remediations of a botched cut and shut piece of medieval freakery. How did that one get the royal consent Oh Princess of the Blogs?

Question 72: And did the pair of you feel comfortable knocking out the C17th boundary walls at the back of this property? Which your buyer - who probably resold at a magnificent profit - reinstated sympathetically. What were you playing at?

Question 72: Same goes naturally for the removal of the period skylights from this same Singer Hall project. Is "medieval freak" some kind of in joke?
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Question 73: And is it really true that the Dorries and Dorries team - pre-Mum-P I believe - was trying to raise the rather considerable finance necessary for creation of some kind of Medieval Theme Park?

Question 74: Must say I was also a bit upset to read in the Singer House rescue package how various historic features had been raped from the property. Of particular note was a skyline "urn" feature. And this set me wondering what had happened to the period statuary and garden furniture and ornaments and so on and so forth from the various Cotswold properties. Any ideas?

Question 75: As it goes I actually thought that the garden furniture allegedly trashed by yobs in Woburn was more Cotswolds Marbles than presents from council house mum. What on earth was going on with that blog post Nadine?

Question 76: Now of course it must be said that when the conservation wallahs in the Chipping Campden town council and the Cotswolds Council too required that the dratted PLASTIC conservatory, attached like a putrescent wart to the 1340/Georgian/Victorian Woolstaplers edifice, be removed forthwith Mr Dorries came out fighting, appealing in a very unappealing way against enforcement orders to take down an edifice with no permission, replacing a previous more sympathetic lean-to which also had no planning or listed building consent. Was this can take a boy out of Liverpool, but cannot take Liverpool out of boy moment? uPVC?

Question 77: An oddness and no more at this point was to see Mr Dorries listing "MIME" and "CEng" after his name in all the planning correspondence. I'm guessing MIME is something to do with Mining Engineering rather than play acting? Not an acronym anyone uses these days. And that CEng is Chartered Engineer? Just wondered whether someone who gave up engineering at age 30 and had already by then done 15 years of slacking really ought to be using these accoutrements when trying to bullock through a plastic extension to a medieval building? Any idea Nadine? Should one flex one's credentials to and beyond the max? Or be ever so humble?

Question 78: To continue from that I have also been wondering why a Colonial Copper Digger who returned aged around 30 to Blighty with a young and more-or-less pregnant wife - the future Mum-P Nadine Bargery-Dorries - did not persist with his engineering vocation at some level. Anyone understand this?