Thursday, March 05, 2009

Feckless Harris Up the Blog: Pramful of Bouncing Generalisations

What's this? I never knew. Scarcely showed. Though of course with hindsight there were signs. Coal for breakfast on the terrace? Should've known. Nine months or so after that first frantic fumble over the web-book keyboard ... can't get caught first time, a quick fisk won't do any harm ... But those great Labour pains having increased in frequency and power, particularly after being sacked, now it's clear, for being "up the blog", and Tom Harris MP has given been rushed to a local branch of Mothercare to pick up his goody bag. Make that Harvey Nicks, Edinburgh. Once there, the feckless mite has given way to a great gut emptying. It's a provocation sure enough. Midwife Field has declared that the twin blog sprogs - Morality and Anecdote - have scored 10/10 on the Apgar scale, and similar on the Richter, well 8+ anyway:

Great earthquake. Can cause serious damage in areas several hundred kilometers across.

It's hard to know who to blame? I'm sure Tom'll cope alright with his pram full of bouncing generalisations, even if the neo-natal advice of midwife Frank Field may not be quite what the Ministry ordered, again. Those post-natal blues have kicked in quickly with a kind of listlessness that is ultimately completely negative, illiberal, conservative, patronising and apr├ęs le deluge empty. With some pretty ugly stretch marks to boot.

I'm sensing I may be back to this shortly. The "WTF?" post more-or-less writes itself.

But meanwhile, suffice to wag a finger and say: if only feckless Tommy had listened to Annie, you'd never catch her blogging unprotected behind the bike sheds: “I do support the abstinence policy. If everyone had always followed the Church’s teaching, which is chastity before and fidelity within marriage, we wouldn’t have AIDS or any sexual diseases”.

UPDATE 15:29: Liberal Conspiracy's Don Paskini has committed WTF? response to blog.

UPDATE 20:46: A few pig ignorant comments have been garnered. Hurrah!


Claire Khaw said...

Your apparent outrage at Tom Harris' very timely comments suggests that you are a very young and silly young man.

Obviously, it would be impractical to prosecute every teenager who has sex while below the age of consent, but it would NOT be impractical to

(a) deprive a single mother of child benefit if she cannot produce a marriage certificate

(b) fine the single mother for producing an illegitimate baby, say £1000, if she does not name the father

(c) require her parent(s) to pay this sum if she cannot or will not
(d) fine the father of an illegitimate child a sum of money, say £1000

(e) require the parent(s) of that father to pay this sum if he cannot pay it himself

(f) require that the mother give up the child for adoption before more lives are ruined

You and your probably young and equally silly readers are invited to extol the virtues of single mummery by voting and commenting on the following:

Vote: Should the measures proposed in (a) to (f) be adopted to purge the scourge of family breakdown?

Alasdair said...

Andromeda - you're right, it's very easy to punish people for having children our of wedlock. I suggest you move to Saudi Arabia. I hear they're good at that sort of thing there.

Anonymous said...

Yeh man, I can't wait for my lil girl to reach the double digits so she can have a kid too, the government will give us free money init! work? That's for chumps man, School is crap anyway she won't miss anything, anyway gotta go my mum is calling me downstairs for tea.

Anonymous said...

peter said...I fully agree with what you say,coming virtually out of school & getting pregnant to get a free flat & Benefits.Have no intention of working in their lives,Always seem to have new clothes,Mobilephones and clubbing.They are bankrupting the country.It needs stopping now,Before we come a banana republic.

Ted Foan said...

"...(your) comments suggests that you are a very young and silly young man."

Chris Paul - a very young and silly young man? A middle-aged Old Labour bore would be more accurate.