UKIP Comedy Page: Returns Droogy, A Site Privodeeted by a Bezoomny Malenky Monkey

LOL used to link to bezoomny Chad at the UKIP Comedy Page. Now he's back, possibly on either rather more or rather less medication and calling himself YHN, posting in pigeon Nadsat at Droogie.com. Don't speak Nadsat myself but have got a Russian O Level which is close enough.

His current lead story tells us how the Tory spin privodivat Steve Hilton (right with his mini-Privo) has had his devotchka Rachel Whetstone poogy Google into dumping Chad as top result of their search engine. A likely story.

GLOSSARY: Bezoomny - mad; Privodeet/Privodivat - lead/leader; Malenky - little; Monkey - monkey; YHN - Your Humble Narrator; Nadsat - teenager, teen argot; Devotchka - girl; Poogy - frighten.

Hillary Clinton: Interactive Campaigning to Music

Dizzy found these. Hillary asking readers to take part in a poll. And sharing early results.

EXCLUSIVE Tory Cuts: Week Slashed to 72 Hours

Iain Dale has confounded critics who dub him the motley "court blogger" for Old King Cameron with a shocking revelation of Tory cuts that get right to the heart of the national life. He's done a Willets!

Since when was Wednesday "about a week ago"? Give us back the other 58% of our week you blue scoundrels!

Apart from the whoopsy we find the jester Dale listing a number of New Labour Ministers and inviting readers to put away their potty mouths and misogyny for a moment and rank their favourite three most incompetent 1-2-3.

The following is by no means a comprehensive list of Ministers now judged COMPETENT and BEYOND REPROACH by Iain Dale's Diary:

Hazel Blears escapes I see, and Alan Johnson, and Peter Hain, and Hilary Benn (i.e. four of the five DL Minister candidates), and Jack Straw, and David Miliband, and Michael Meacher, and Beverly Hughes (!), and Phil Woolas, and Andy Burnham, and Alan Milburn, and Ian McCartney, and Alistair Darling, and Baroness Amos, and Robin Cook, and Richard Caborn, and Meg Munn, and very surprisingly David Blunkett, and Tony Blair himself.

Hurrah! Names of others missed in comments please.

Meanwhile the Tories are dipping into a very shallow and small gene pool of toffs, biffers, blethers and Bullingdon bullshitters.

Iain Dale: Labour and Lib Dem MPs Champion McJobs (Once They Have Been Re-Christened)

Iain Dale has a good dig at Clive Betts MP for having an EDM go at the term "McJob" popularised by Douglas Coupland in Generation X oooh, almost a generation ago. Second signatory John Leech MP, like Betts declaring an interest thanks to their shared World Cup McJunket*, seems to have Mr Dale a bit baffled, along the lines of a "who he?" moment. Let LOL assist a little with this story of how Mr Leech narrowly missed his chance to bathe in glory at a former McJob. And there's this one with a spot the ball competition thrown in. And finally Kerron's ramblings about Johno not really earning a losers' man of the match award.

* Unlike Betts, Leech apparently did a U-Turn and gave the World Cup tickets back to the sponsor ... after quite an outcry it must be said.

Newsnight: Beeston and Broxtowe, Griffin and Vaz

The greater part of the research I was doing today was into BNP activity. We have a by-election in a couple of weeks in a strong Labour ward in North Manchester. This is not far from the ward where the BNP polled more than 700 votes in May. There is some ancient history of NF activity. But the 700 votes came from a standing start, more than half won I'd say from people who don't regularly vote, and many from Tories and Libs who ran minimal campaigns.

The same elfin scrote is their candidate once again. More on that soon.

However the Newsnight piece was fascinating. People in Nottinghamshire, with almost 100% Labour support in the vox pop, were concerned about immigration as can be expected. But about immigration of building tradesmen from accession countries.

Newsnight then had a video love triangle with the convicted hate-merchant Nick Griffin and Keith Vaz who is a long standing MP in the East Midlands as well as recently being elected NEC Representative for Ethnic Minorities. Gavin Esler asked at one point in his video interview: "Why do we have the BNP on?" And he was right. Why did they have the BNP on?

Busy Friday: Research, Action, Contemplation

But not hometown blogging so far. This may be corrected later. There is that banquet of half-baked items to cook off. The oft-promised Parbury election anecdotes. And a Home and Garden photo special carried forward from Easter ...

Deputy Dawgs: Extra Hustings, Manchester, May 31st

Details to follow. Party members only. 31 May also the last day to join and vote. You know you want to.

Dave-id Cameron: Anthromorphic Sock Puppets

David Cameron with Sock Puppets. Like Blair without the class.

Germaine Greer: Triumph of a Lesbian Gypsy

Have just caught up with THIS from Germaine on Marija Serifovic's victory at Eurovision. Good stuff.

McDonnell Fan: "We Only Need to Win Once ; )"

So that's it? But then again I think that's what Blair said. And he did it.

Mugabe/Tenzin: How Wrong Can a Blogger Be?

Six weeks ago I used the stencil art (right) to illustrate a blog post referring to Robert Mugabe. How wrong can a blogger be? This is in fact an image of Tenzin a Buddhist monk whose death sentence has been commuted to life. Funny old language we have.

The stenciller for Manchester apparently didn't think it at all likely to work, but found the sentiment went down well with prospective female friends.

Click on the name above to send a firm letter to the Government of China and prove this agit-flirt completely wrong.

Corrected information came from the magnificent MCR Marks blog.

Dizzy Thinks: Tory Blogger of the Day

Sad to say Dizzy did not win Tory Blogger of the year from Conservative Home. Certainly the best of the shortlist. So have the judges whoever they are been wowed by Iain's statwanks?

While Iain still had leftover scraps from yesterday on display Dizzy has rattled off some fine stories. Spotting this Manchester/Salford story of Traffic Wardens with an electronic eye and on-the-spot fines for ASB for one.

And spotting that Gordon Brown's brother works in PR for EDF who have designs on new Nuclear Power Station contracts for two.

On the first story the head-mounted CCTV seems novel but we've had wardens doing instant tickets for ASB for years and surely a Tory blogger doesn't mind if they're public or private if they do the work?

And of course Dizzy would be the first to complain - hours before Iain Dale - if EDF didn't get the contract if they offered the best VFM.

Though LOL will be hoping as a red-green lefty to stop the Power Stations and save Gordy the quandary.

Turing Machines: Censoring Arts Blogs

But what is the key? Been having a tremendous struggle to get comments published at a particular artist's blog. Taking the URL out helps. But does not suffice. What does the censor in chief require?

Is this pitched battle the real artwork?

Ed Balls MP: With Big Brother at His Shoulder

LOL have been back to the Yorkshire Evening Post site for Ed Balls and other MPs explaining their vote on Mr Maclean's Tory Bill on Friday.

One of the Bill's critics, Liberal Democrat Simon Hughes (voted, unlike Ming and DC) is promising that his troops will be out-naming-and-shaming MPs who voted for the bill - although largely to prevent a talking out attempt:

"ensuring that nobody can be in any doubt as to who must take responsibility for these dangerous plans making progress."

Presumably they'll have to flirt with the truth a bit? Exaggerate shamelessly? Let's see. By pretending the MPs wanted to cover up their expenses? That should do it. Tell lies in other words.

Don't get me wrong. It's a terrible Tory Bill. Backed 21-4 by the Tories in the room. But the Lib Dems have just announced a campaign of lies in a press release!

CAPTION: Mr Balls' acceptance speech at the Charity Champions Awards was overseen by his very own Big Brother

Tory FOIer David Maclean MP: "Listening to You"?

You'd have thought that there would be lots of insider info on the Tory ex-Chief Whip David Maclean's latest forays against Freedom of Information on his natty website.

Sadly not, though there was news of his new extra site to listen to our opinions HERE. Sadly this is a series of forced answer yes/no questions in five headings. There is no planned opportunity to make your own freeform comments or ask Maclean a question.

The address box at the top doesn't appear to have any word limit however and you can tap at will there, though I've not tried submitting a long comment for the moment.

Electoral Commission: Political Donations

Dizzy is beside himself with glee that Respect have only recorded £4636.28 as a donation with the Electoral Commission ... and had to give this back as it came from Dubai's Khansaheb Civil Engineering. It was less than the BNP's £6,000 anyway! How Dizzy laughed!

And of course Dizzy reckons that Respect and the BNP have in common their misogyny and homophobia. Now, I don't know how many Respect activists Dizzy actually knows? But I'd like to assure him that when it comes to misogyny, homophobia and indeed racism the BNP have more in common with certain Tory Boy Bloggers than ever with Respect activists.

Back to the numbers. Captain Sensible's Blah! Party meanwhile have received £ 35,350.00, part of a mighty total of £ 209,898.50. Most of which is in cash rather than the non-cash it's recorded as.

Usually at this point the Tory Blogoferia would begin crowing about how much Labour received. Sadly the main parties have been skipped by Dizzy this quarter. Whyever is that?

Labour £ 4,966,059.00
(plus Co-op Party £ 352,725.65)
Tories £ 3,744,572.36
Lib Dems £ 1,169,331.20
SNP £ 495,663.00
UKIP £ 109,121.95
Plaid £ 55,591.08
Green £ 8,322.00

It is Quarter 2 which contains the immediate election period of course.

We'll have to wait three months to see how things work out.

Dale's Quixotic Quest: Gordon Brown, Celebrity

"Sorry Bob. THIS is how much I care about celebrity, or what Dale says."

The Tory Boy Blogoteria is grasping at straws. "Gordon Brown and Celebrity" is the working title of a 'short video film' - which phrase one could fisk to shreds - which Mr Iain Dale proposes to make.

Surely Brown's attitude to celebrity is more about Blair and Cameron playing at being **celebrities** themselves rather than occasionally politely shaking hands with one or even being on a platform with one who dreams of being a politician.

Brown is Mr Dale will find relatively, indeed extremely, ascetic in these matters. And this piece has the making of a thin series of isolated anecdotes "proving" a duff theory of a generality. That would be a very poor show. Best stop now.

If Iain draws a relative blank on this. Finds no case to answer ... And let's face it that in asking his blog readers to assist he must be drawing a bit of a blank already ... I hope that Iain will put his hands up and admit that, whatever else Brown may be, he is more of a monk than a groupee when it comes to brushing with celebrity.

Still less actually aiming to be one himself. As Mr Dale and Mr Cameron both. Like Mr Blair (pictured right, receiving Beau Bo D'or BAFTA) before them.

Shawcross and Fawkes: Gunpowder Treason and Plot

Hamer Shawcross and Guido Fawkes were both on the missing list for a slightly staggered long weekend. Has anyone ever seen them together? Or can they now be described as co-conspirators?

Shawcross: Last Post 18/5 09:06 am Return Post 22/5 09:56 am
Fawkes: Last Post 17/5 17:04 am Return Post 21/5 18:37 am

Famous Belgians: "Herge" Georges Remi Centenary

Stephen Spielberg and Peter Jackson have each committed to at least one of an initial three feature film Tintin franchise.

BNP: Steve Bell and Michael White 5, Barking MP 0

Barking MP Margaret Hodge, supported by Hazel Blears alone of the Deputy Dawgs, has clearly misjudged the story AGAIN. Her constituents are more sophisticated and reasonable than she thinks. And sticking to the facts and debunking the myths as Michael White suggests and good neighbour Jon Cruddas practices successfully is the way to go.
Steve Bell Merchandise HERE.