Breaking News: Market and Coastal Towns Sue Tories?

Sources close to the British Tourist Authority report that the Market and Coastal Towns Association are taking legal advice over what they are calling "persistent and vicious defamation undermining the good name of our member authorities".

"First they attacked Chichester" said a spokesman "And Dover was next in line. Now they seem to be moving on to the smaller towns - they've dissed Purvis already, and parish councils in Beazley, Kirkhope, Bowis and Bradbourn are standing by for further hurtful allegations. There is every chance" he continued "that there will be a generic attack on our Harbours as well".

NOTE TO EDITORS: Seaside towns have been the rump of tacky jokes for more than a century. Many return Conservative MPs and MEPs. That situation is unlikely to survive this merciless onslaught.