Nuts in November: Q5, Nadine, Why Re-Butt For Old Nick?

On Thursday evening @MirrorJames revealed that his team had a slap up goose pimpler of a story concerning a Tory Grandee MP in "Sex Shame Bum Action". Or something like that.

As it turned out, the sleazy old bastard, that our friend Nads would soon enough protect, is also married to a renowned Tory racist joke telling MP. This cocky charmer was Way Too Bottomley (red herring, too good to miss) when it came to cheekily greeting female MPs of all creeds, women that he hardly knew if at all, let alone had permission to practice his time honoured old-time, squire-ly, hands on, buttock-fettling craftsmanship.

Now, LOL've met this MP and indeed LOL shook his goosey goosey right hand. And we took a bottle of bubbly from him. Shameful. But LOL had hard won a 5k running race on Sir Old Nick's patch, with the LOL hounds in tow. It would have been rude not to. And we had no idea that he was any kind of jovial sex pervert.

His goosey goosey right hand provided the sort of firm grasping bear paw (with solid eye contact, natch) that is likely so welcome down the Mid Cheshire Masonic Lodge, and which is not inappropriate for the Victor Ludorum (fun run division) du jour, or for the School Prize Day, or The Hunt Ball, or for the his and hers yeuch yeuch yeuch baby-kissing in the towns that these Conners specialise in.

But certainly this bear pawing is unlikely to be even so welcome when applied unexpectedly to one's butt. Ain't that right people? Which sensation I might add was never offered or solicited in my own grapple with this fucking disgraceful man of fleshy flubber and of thoroughly disreputable allowances claims.

I really don't know who she thinks she is, that Ms Nadine Bargery-Dorries Mum-P, "Barge Right In Dorries?) but she bristled and twittered and leapt into action as a one muppet re-butt-al unit when Sir Old Nick was named and shamed.

Sir Old Nick would do no such thing, she ventured, as to goose a fellow parliamentarian, never so naff as treating any woman in his path as a paw-able asset. And, less certain, she added that, if Sir Old Nick did feel the sap rising and the hands wandering in the sandwich queue, there was a sectarian sextarian septugenarian demarcation. That dictated it would be Conservative ass he groped, every time. In her own words:


The London Evening Standard (LES), the "Lezzer" perhaps?, which provided generous cover for Nadine's batty second-daughter-employing-corruption, has also generously documented Nadine's re-butt-al stories for Dirty Nick, who quickly admitted regular so friendly and always innocent yet entirely forgetable butt action. Here is the full stream of unconsciousness:


In essence this confused wreakage of a Mum-P - instead of displaying cross bench solidarity between the pawed, propositioned and wronged women of Westminster, went horribly sectarian. With "Old Nick Never Did" coupled lustfully with reports of a Labour Scot pestering her verbally behind the bike sheds, and, what's this? allusions to a sordid texter. Smearing dozens of MPs. How queer. Given her own experience.

Don't doubt it Nadine. There are Labour MPs who think they're too sexy for their shirts. Who are jerks. Who hit on other MPs of all persuasions and parties. And there are hands on scumbags of other parties too. Like Old Sir Nick for example. Of the firm handshake, of the not-so-air-kiss and grope, and of the unashamed goosey goosey.

The drill is -> solidarity.

Not this "you're lying about X" plus "your sex monsters are worse than our sex monsters" schtick. You'd have to be really wildly distracted or something to run with that garbage. Sir Nicholas Winterton is a fucking socially retarded old scumbag money-grubbing bastard. Wife Lady Ann of Congleton is a corruptly over-promoted disgraceful racist and rank idiot. They get too much respect. They are "pantsMPs" personified.

UPDATE Sat 10:13: Sir Old Nick can apparently remember what he had for lunch but not his hands-on escapdes. And this other Old Nick, the churchillian Health and Safety disgrace-muppet is also a hands on dirty dirty dirty meat grabbing arse. Plus added pics of the dirty Sir Old Nicks, the mad tweets, and tweaked the text here and there.

Anyways, time to start catching up with the Daily Dorries. Question Five coming at ya:

Question Five: You were once a well brought up, comfortably off, rather unacademic Liverpudlian. You were once a State Enlisted Nurse, equivalent to an Auxilliary these days. But before that (as I hear it) you were an inept and underqualified blagging air hostess (as I hear it). These are two of the most "goosed" occupations in the world. So why would you diss Natascha and Kerry and defend these hands on Old Fucks?

Question 5a, Supplementary: And why would you completely hide your work in the air, while thoroughly exaggerating your nursing qualifications?