STOP PRESS: Ms Nadine Bargery-Dorries Mum-P's third daughter Cassandra Dorries is to join the family firm immediately in order to beat the ticking clock of parliament's dissolution and the ridiculous rule change that would not allow her to join the family firm at Westminister once she has finished an inappropriate degree, developed some inappropriate attitude, and seen off all comers in a one-horse race for recruitment.
Mum Naydeen is delighted:
"The Notional Minimum Wage for a Dorries girl is currently between £28,000 [as reported by the Daily Mirror, who had been mislead] and £50,000 [as reported by honest daughter, who had been enjoying the Sports and Social's delights] and with a cost of living increase we'll be paying Cassandra £60,000 per annum.
"She will be putting in for leave of absence for "training" consisting of completing four inappropriate A/S Levels, three inappropriate A Levels and a degree in the absolutely appropriate Homeopathic Horticulture at the University of Flitwick.
"As a top employer we will of course be paying Cass's fees, and a little top up to her parliamentary salary; for girls' nights out and the like."
Cassandra joins stalwart Philippa "Pippa" Storm Dorries and muddle sister Jennifer Lauren Dorries on the family payroll.
Missing person Paul David Dorries has never appeared on the official payroll - bit embarrassing - but will continue to be paid for house-sitting, dog-walking, child-minding, investment-advice, mining-engineering and anything else that comes up.