The many and varied discrepancies in Nadine Dorries Mum-P's life story and work history are said to be a key, tell-tale sign that she is in fact an embedded Russian Spy. Her mission? To get hob-nobbly with the chinless Masters of the Universe in the British Conservative Party, persuade them to run the country into a double-dipping recession, and subject the Christian-right elements of decadent Western society to global ridicule with unfounded and bizarre crack pot alternative and reproductive medicine propaganda. The former Tsarina of the Blogs is to be relieved immediately of her many and diverse parliamentary duties, pending convening of a Star Chamber, says David Cameron: "When I need a sacrifical lamb to distract from our major cock ups, I'm sorry Woburn, but Nadine's toast. I've protected this woman long enough".