Bobby Robson: It's All Coming Up Roses on Tyneside

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Nuts in November: Q5, Nadine, Why Re-Butt For Old Nick?

On Thursday evening @MirrorJames revealed that his team had a slap up goose pimpler of a story concerning a Tory Grandee MP in "Sex Shame Bum Action". Or something like that.

As it turned out, the sleazy old bastard, that our friend Nads would soon enough protect, is also married to a renowned Tory racist joke telling MP. This cocky charmer was Way Too Bottomley (red herring, too good to miss) when it came to cheekily greeting female MPs of all creeds, women that he hardly knew if at all, let alone had permission to practice his time honoured old-time, squire-ly, hands on, buttock-fettling craftsmanship.

Now, LOL've met this MP and indeed LOL shook his goosey goosey right hand. And we took a bottle of bubbly from him. Shameful. But LOL had hard won a 5k running race on Sir Old Nick's patch, with the LOL hounds in tow. It would have been rude not to. And we had no idea that he was any kind of jovial sex pervert.

His goosey goosey right hand provided the sort of firm grasping bear paw (with solid eye contact, natch) that is likely so welcome down the Mid Cheshire Masonic Lodge, and which is not inappropriate for the Victor Ludorum (fun run division) du jour, or for the School Prize Day, or The Hunt Ball, or for the his and hers yeuch yeuch yeuch baby-kissing in the towns that these Conners specialise in.

But certainly this bear pawing is unlikely to be even so welcome when applied unexpectedly to one's butt. Ain't that right people? Which sensation I might add was never offered or solicited in my own grapple with this fucking disgraceful man of fleshy flubber and of thoroughly disreputable allowances claims.

I really don't know who she thinks she is, that Ms Nadine Bargery-Dorries Mum-P, "Barge Right In Dorries?) but she bristled and twittered and leapt into action as a one muppet re-butt-al unit when Sir Old Nick was named and shamed.

Sir Old Nick would do no such thing, she ventured, as to goose a fellow parliamentarian, never so naff as treating any woman in his path as a paw-able asset. And, less certain, she added that, if Sir Old Nick did feel the sap rising and the hands wandering in the sandwich queue, there was a sectarian sextarian septugenarian demarcation. That dictated it would be Conservative ass he groped, every time. In her own words:


The London Evening Standard (LES), the "Lezzer" perhaps?, which provided generous cover for Nadine's batty second-daughter-employing-corruption, has also generously documented Nadine's re-butt-al stories for Dirty Nick, who quickly admitted regular so friendly and always innocent yet entirely forgetable butt action. Here is the full stream of unconsciousness:


In essence this confused wreakage of a Mum-P - instead of displaying cross bench solidarity between the pawed, propositioned and wronged women of Westminster, went horribly sectarian. With "Old Nick Never Did" coupled lustfully with reports of a Labour Scot pestering her verbally behind the bike sheds, and, what's this? allusions to a sordid texter. Smearing dozens of MPs. How queer. Given her own experience.

Don't doubt it Nadine. There are Labour MPs who think they're too sexy for their shirts. Who are jerks. Who hit on other MPs of all persuasions and parties. And there are hands on scumbags of other parties too. Like Old Sir Nick for example. Of the firm handshake, of the not-so-air-kiss and grope, and of the unashamed goosey goosey.

The drill is -> solidarity.

Not this "you're lying about X" plus "your sex monsters are worse than our sex monsters" schtick. You'd have to be really wildly distracted or something to run with that garbage. Sir Nicholas Winterton is a fucking socially retarded old scumbag money-grubbing bastard. Wife Lady Ann of Congleton is a corruptly over-promoted disgraceful racist and rank idiot. They get too much respect. They are "pantsMPs" personified.

UPDATE Sat 10:13: Sir Old Nick can apparently remember what he had for lunch but not his hands-on escapdes. And this other Old Nick, the churchillian Health and Safety disgrace-muppet is also a hands on dirty dirty dirty meat grabbing arse. Plus added pics of the dirty Sir Old Nicks, the mad tweets, and tweaked the text here and there.

Anyways, time to start catching up with the Daily Dorries. Question Five coming at ya:

Question Five: You were once a well brought up, comfortably off, rather unacademic Liverpudlian. You were once a State Enlisted Nurse, equivalent to an Auxilliary these days. But before that (as I hear it) you were an inept and underqualified blagging air hostess (as I hear it). These are two of the most "goosed" occupations in the world. So why would you diss Natascha and Kerry and defend these hands on Old Fucks?

Question 5a, Supplementary: And why would you completely hide your work in the air, while thoroughly exaggerating your nursing qualifications?

Nuts in November: Question 4, Nadine, Tell Us About Paul

Running a bit late. Sorry folks. A trip to Hazel Grove yesterday was very mellow and fruitful. And Google action has been bracing, needing a resolute approach, but turned out nice. But we did promise a Question 4 for Nadine in the Nuts in November series. And we did suggest in various tweets that Nadine's erstwhile partner Paul Dorries would be a feature.

I'll warn you now Nadine. This is an easy peasy question, with a supplementary of equal facility. We've reviewed the news trail you leave behind you and we must confess we're finding some of the Bargery/Dorries PR and myth-making hard to penetrate.

Question 4 We're confused Nadine. Apparently you got married to Paul Dorries in Africa some 25 years ago and immediately carried the blushing groom over the threshold back to England. How did that work then? Was there a real wedding? A white wedding perhaps? Do you have pictures? I made my commitments in jeans myself, there's no shame in that. I'll show you mine etc. Or was it some kind of $50 Reno quickie elopement ship's captain thingie? Please don't be offended. We're only asking.

Question 4a, Supplementary We're still confused Nadine. Are you and Paul divorced as some stories have it? Or just separated as others say? Or more properly estranged? Or still in many respects part of the same unit? How on earth have you disentangled your family finances? And can it be right that your oppo has been getting some form of alimony/palimony out of your parliamentary pay and allowances? As you hinted manfully as the Telegraph pushed for answers? Has Paul Dorries ever been on the Dorries MumP taxpayer payroll?

Or is it perhaps just a case of main home/second home child minding, main home/second home house sitting, main home/second home dog walking as LOL have stated every now and then?

A lot of questions Nadine. Good value this Nuts in November project. Please do your best.

Drafted 4 November, tweaked this morning. With a good deal now carried over for subsequent Nuts in November questions.

We plan to add a pic or two and perhaps some links later. Above, actual Zambia wedding picture. Note the elephants are NOT "in the room".

Nuts in November: Question 3, Nadine, Place Four Events in Order

Question 3: Philippa Dorries, MumP's first daughter, requested unpaid leave earlier in the summer; you mentioned MumP's second daughter Jennifer Dorries' predicament, as an unemployed and financially embarrassed graduate in the House on 6 July 2009 starting at 6:33pm; you fitted in a family holiday, ¡Y Viva Espana! or the like; and you also decided somehow or other, no doubt mindful of the guidance on use of allowances, and of how it might look, to give Jennifer a job or jobs, on the taxpayer.

Who wants to be a millionaire? Using your legendary skill and judgement and referring to notes, blogposts and tweets as necessary please could you please pretty please put these four events in the correct order, starting with the earliest.

Nuts in November: Question 2, Nadine, Admin Error or Obfuscation?

As LOL revealed exclusively HERE last Wednesday and followed up HERE last Thursday Ms Nadine Dorries MP has followed up her employment of one Philippa Dorries on the taxpayer with employment of one Jennifer Dorries on the taxpayer. And the common surnames are not in fact a coincidence. They are all related!

Nadine's third parliamentary employee is one Catriona Rowen (listing) of whom we are not about to comment at this stage. Though one Iain Dale also popped up in the same "staff" register, sponsored by Keith Simpson MP.

We explained at some length yesterday how we came by the information about young Jennifer Dorries' joyous surprise employment with her MumP (pronounced "Mum-Pee" not "Mump"). There's no need to go over all that again.

But we specifically asked:

Question 1: Nadine, Jennifer claimed, amongst her peers, that she was being paid some £50,000. Though the Mirror reported an estimate of a mere £29,000. Including roles at parliament and in constituency base, which is it? And ..

Q1a the supplementary: Post Conway and Post Telegraph and Mid Legg and Pre Kelly how did you, Nadine, think it would look employing a series of Little Dorrieses in this way? Did you really think this would pass muster?

The big problem today is trying to decide which two questions to pose today. There were so many to go at already. And in the last 24 hours the regular trickle of story tips on the Member for Mid Narnia, from her many well wishers, at one point threatened to overspill the banks.

We'll begin with a question already begged in yesterday's post:

Question 2: Jennifer's appointment is not in the least bit apparent from Part Two of the Register of Members Interests editions dated either 2 September 2009 (html) or 14 October 2009 (pdf). Though Philippa shows, as if she is still in post whereas we understand - largely from that MumP "blog" of yours - that she set off for Australia early in September. Should we put this down as Jennifer's first major administrative mistake? Or is it deliberate?

Nuts in November: Question 1, Nadine, What is Jenny's Pay?

As LOL revealed exclusively HERE last Wednesday and followed up HERE last Thursday Ms Nadine Dorries MP has followed up her employment of one Philippa Dorries on the taxpayer with employment of one Jennifer Dorries on the taxpayer. And the common surnames are not in fact a coincidence. They are all related!

LOL published the story at this point because Nadine had swiftly tweet-responded to a comment we made over at Lord Dale's Diary. She would also go on to spoon-fed a rather positive spin of the story to Paul Waugh of the Standard. Building on her tweeted story of an attempted £250 retainer from a journalist, which completely failed, but which nonetheless, she says, pushed her into employing family members. Not logical exactly. But that doesn't mean it's not true.

Kevin Maguire of the Mirror posted that the supposed senior broadsheet journalist who had supposedly tried this supposed sourcing said the story was completely and utterly untrue. Nadine's word against theirs. I wonder. Journalist vs MumP? It's not an easy one to call.

But the Sunday Mirror followed up and followed through. To a point.

This new appointment is not in the least bit apparent from Part Two of the Register of Members Interests editions dated either 2 September 2009 (html) or 14 October 2009 (pdf). But habeus corpus! Young Jennifer turned up in person at the start of the session. What's more she was, we're told by co-conspirators, the life and soul of the Sports and Social on Friday 9 October Friday 16 October.

This of course being the bar where the ill-used and generally ill-paid researcherati, and spectacularly so internerati, do gather of a Friday evening. To get bevvied as it goes. On Tax-payer subsidised brews, fermentations and distillations.

With she confesses "not a political bone in my body" young Jennifer is it seems blessed with no tribal feelings or sectarianism whatsoever. An appealing trait and even perhaps a good start for a Young Socialist. But I digress. Jen also appears to have little or no "nous" as sayeth we Mancurians (tm @ToryBear).

She was happy to be everyone's mate and they hers. Until that is the hoi polloi became slightly less sure that she was indeed just like them. Apart from not giving a flying fig about politics, which is the average bag carrier's life blood. As the precocious Jennifer revealed her absolute glee at her very generous terms and conditions. And her being so generally unskilled, unknowing and inexperienced to boot.

Only three months before, on Friday 6 July at 6:33pm Jennifer's own MumP ("Mum-pee" please, not "mump") Ms Nadine Dorries had risen to her feet in the Commons Chamber and combined great joy at Jennifer's degree result and great sadness at her probable fate, never getting a job but forever saddled with student debt. Whatever was she to do with her poor daughter? Well worth a read. No published video or audio I can find at the moment.

But no! No need to worry at all!! Jennifer Dorries has been able to enjoy a lovely summer break after graduation and to return to a plum job, working for her MumP. So here's the question, and the supplementary:

Question 1: Nadine, Jennifer claimed, amongst her peers, that she was being paid some £50,000. As you can imagine this was a quite astonishing claim and her new mates, thinking she might be getting mixed up or pulling their legs, asked her to explain how this could possibly be. Obviously she may have been mixed up or exaggerating or whatever, but this is certainly what she was heard to say, and not just once.
She apparently also said that her MumP was swinging this by putting her in charge of not only her Westminster office replacing her big sister Philippa 1, but also her constituency office, replacing her big sister's namesake (no relation) Philippa 2.
Meanwhile the Mirror's hacks have split the difference between what they think are the top and bottoms of the scale for Office Manager / Executive Secretary (the top of the tree) and arrived at an estimate of £28,000 per annum. Though their figures were not up-to-date with the real mid-point now being around £30,700. Other scales are there too btw. Check the ranges for bog-standard researcher and caseworker.
Which is correct? £28,000 for the one job? or £50,000 for the both as Jennifer was saying down the SandS? The stone proof of course will be in the correspondence with the pass office and the fees office, the staff registrations, the requisitions, and the payslips which you are welcome to produce at this point should you wish. Then we can all be very clear on all this. Then all the he said she said she said he said would become quite irrelevant.

Q1a the supplementary: Post Conway and Post Telegraph and Mid Legg and Pre Kelly how did you, Nadine, think it would look employing a series of Little Dorrieses in this way? Where's the meritocracy in that? Isn't there some rule about value for money? When the usual starting pay for a Politics or Economics or similar Graduate, often with an MA and an intense interest in Party Politics is in fact £18,000 or thereabouts. Why would you pay so much more? Some even "pay to play" as long-term interns. Perhaps £25,000 at an absolute stretch. How on earth did you think this would look to the public? Already so very angry about you MPs and your liberties?

This is the first of Nadine's 30 Daily Questions for LOL's squirelling away "Nuts in November" series. There'll be two tomorrow to catch up for yesterday. If you know any MPs who have taken on rellies in a similar way, if it were possible - Post Conway, Post Telegraph, Mid Legg or Pre Kelly please do let us know. Irrespective of party we'll take a look. Thanks.



UPDATE Tue 21:08: Just checked submitted evidence and find the date of the great unburdening of the MumP's Number 2 daughter was on Friday 16 October going on Saturday 17 October, not Friday 9 October. Apologies.

Essay Plan: Season of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness

November is the kicker month for Autumn. The leaves oop North are largely off the trees and some of the little blighters are very surprisingly in the drains, ready for annual Lib Dem pointing action!! The! Leaves! Are! Blocking! The! Drains! and We! Demand! Drains! Are! Unblocked! and so on and so forth. You know the drill. LOL may well take a look at some of this childish Lib-dickery nonsense.

We're also planning to build on our late October scoop over the right ridiculous employment of the Dorries Daughters and, depending how things pan out we could well publish a different substantive question for Ms Nadine Dorries MP for every day of the month. In many cases the answers will be published either upside down at the foot of page 49, or the very next day, whether Ms Dorries provides them or not.

The story we broke last Wednesday and followed up on Thursday has now seen some Mainstream Media (MSM) action via The Standard and The Mirror, but there is a lot more to go at. My email address is as ever at the head of the blog you cheeky MSM people you. Nadine is trying to manage it away in the way of The Thick Of It. But that ain't going to work. Really. Watch the show Nads! Does it work on there?

We are hoping to finally tidy up the look and feel of the Labour of Love blog. We know it won't take much to make a real difference. An hour or three should do it. If you can help please don't hesitate to get in touch. To freshen up the blogroll, subscription service, graphics offering, and so on. And to introduce some regular features and themes to follow over the winter and into the election Spring board beyond.

LOL will continue to twitter away @chrispLOL with a prospect of dividing the feed into the high volume frothy flutter and a much more measured twnewsfeed.

On the ground LOL will be out and about on the campaign trail, particularly in Rochdale where the egregious Lib Dem Dick Dastardly PR Paul Rowen MP and his Muttley the Dog "agent", paid for by the taxpayer, Dave Hennigan really really don't deserve the people's support for their continued nonsense and smeary shenanigans.

Very much in the tradition of dirty tricks ilLiberal Cyril Smith .. but how dare they rope Ludovic Kennedy into their filthy Smithist politics?

And we'll also be out and about of course in LOL's hometown Manchester Withington where Hospital Hoaxer John Leech has been seeking to confuse the electorate with a high volume "re-elect me" front masking a low volume, low quality back side of dis-representation that really ain't good for anything.

Both these Libdemologists of course, on a sample basis, providing a window on the soul of the Lib Dem franchise and their nefarious financial, propaganda and personal attacks. An apolitical culture; full of gimmicks and chicanery; from batty bar charts through "grey area' gaming of the allowances regimes. Something which appears to afflict their whole pyramid scheme to a greater or lesser extent both nationally and in their Euro representatives.

With a strong personal interest in the All Women Shortlist meme we'll also be keeping a weather eye on the climate of progressive change gripping, or not gripping, the Libdemologist and Con Parties.

And we'll continue to harry and challenge the #Conbloggers, #Contweeters and #Conmimicsters as they go about their shameless misdirection and "nice party" mockery of the electorate. We'll be cherry picking, not rising to every piece of linkbait.

FOOTNOTE: Interesting to see the Miliband press conference on BBC News Channel. Yesterday was one of those rare occasions where I got to dust off some of my schoolboy Russian on the Labour doorstep. Obviously my Latin and French are in regular use, but haven't had much call for the Russian since the UEFA Cup Final, where former USSR fans were by turns astonished and appreciative to hear market research being conducted, or at least introduced, Po- faltering Russky.

Like a dog walking on its hind legs .. and so on. Thank you to Mr Perfect - one of several suspected spy masters at the old school. No-one was taken in by that gammy leg schtick.