Thursday, April 01, 2010

Within The Rules: Cassandra Dorries Joins Mum-P's Family Firm

STOP PRESS: Ms Nadine Bargery-Dorries Mum-P's third daughter Cassandra Dorries is to join the family firm immediately in order to beat the ticking clock of parliament's dissolution and the ridiculous rule change that would not allow her to join the family firm at Westminister once she has finished an inappropriate degree, developed some inappropriate attitude, and seen off all comers in a one-horse race for recruitment.

Mum Naydeen is delighted:

"The Notional Minimum Wage for a Dorries girl is currently between £28,000 [as reported by the Daily Mirror, who had been mislead] and £50,000 [as reported by honest daughter, who had been enjoying the Sports and Social's delights] and with a cost of living increase we'll be paying Cassandra £60,000 per annum.

"She will be putting in for leave of absence for "training" consisting of completing four inappropriate A/S Levels, three inappropriate A Levels and a degree in the absolutely appropriate Homeopathic Horticulture at the University of Flitwick.

"As a top employer we will of course be paying Cass's fees, and a little top up to her parliamentary salary; for girls' nights out and the like."

Cassandra joins stalwart Philippa "Pippa" Storm Dorries and muddle sister Jennifer Lauren Dorries on the family payroll.

Missing person Paul David Dorries has never appeared on the official payroll - bit embarrassing - but will continue to be paid for house-sitting, dog-walking, child-minding, investment-advice, mining-engineering and anything else that comes up.


Ms Humphrey Cushion said...

I truly hope this is an April Fool's joke but suspect from her previous behaviour that it is not. How disappointing that despite being caught abusing the system and our trust time and time again, she still arrogantly continues acting in this manner.

Today there hope though in the shape of the new twitter campaign group #dumpdorries. Lets stand together, Dump Dorries and elect an MP we can be proud of!

Chris Paul said...

Well said Fred. The people of Mid Beds can sack Naydeen even if Dave Cameron ignores all the smoking guns, in the public domain and not, and lets this woman stand as a Tory candidate. In my view Nads has the power to swing this election away from the Conservatives single-handedly. Watch this space.

(As far as I know Cassandra Dorries has NOT joined the family firm; and Jennifer is off on a world tour with her ill-gotten gains. leaving only the Mum-P, the eldest, and some say the Dad in the firm.)

benchilltory said...

why is it that new labour men are more comfortable attacking women politicians,no wonder you lot have never elected a female leader

jailhouselawyer said...

This is as bad as Derek Conway!

Chris Paul said...

BHT: You're being ridiculous. Nadine employs her kids, she can't or won't explain where her main home was 2005-2009 and has had two disproportionately inappropriate "second" homes with a titchy current "main" home only just contrived, she has landed 10s of £thousands on her mate/neighbour from money supposed to be spent on constituency work, she was Director of a load of struck off LimCos - with or without her hubby, failed shopkeeper, repossessed house or houses, she recently went on board of an insolvent scaremongering baby mattress company, and her husband (or is he?) who has it seems done a bit of a runner, or is hiding in the woodpile out back, stands accused of giving extremely piss poor and unlicensed spread betting and investment advice and worthless shares (as compensation) to vulnerable widows, and she is alleged to have put her just-good-friend Tommy Keenan akak Stephen Rhodes aka Tom Bargery up to all sorts of shenanigans.

And there's the wad in the bra and the prescription drugs and the general TBOC carrying on to boot.

This is not about "attacking women politicians". It is (a) an hilarious April fool and (b) entirely justified investigative journalism of Pulitzer Prize quality.

You should be asking yourself how this ridiculous Mum-P has gotten away with all of the above and a whole lot more, and why David Cameron has not sacked her. As it were.

Dick the Prick said...

Quelle surprise. Nice work if you err.. can't be arsed doing owt. £60k, £60 bloody k. Hmm..

Ms Humphrey Cushion said...

"benchilltory said...
why is it that new labour men are more comfortable attacking women politicians,no wonder you lot have never elected a female"

I don't consider my points to be an attack, merely observation. Ms Dorries' sexuality is not the issue here, her disgraceful behaviour is!

If you want to add your questions to Ms Dorries please visit the link below & join the #dumpdorries campaign.