Thursday, September 20, 2007

Libdemologists: Come on Cleggy Light Ming's Pyre

You know you want to. The man who would be Ming Nick Clegg has confessed in an alcoholics anonymous amusing Lib Dem fringe meeting to being a teenage twisted fire starter and little prick botherer. Carrying a drunken torch for a collection of prize cacti. Setting them alight. Getting gardening as punishment.

Only question is:
How many law and order minded voters, troubled with drunken 16-year-olds torching their stuff and mashing their gardens to buggery will now say: "Ah, bless!" and "Everyone has a little bit of menace in them!" and "Public school boys will be little buggers at times."

Not quite the same as empathising with a right Charley who likes a wee dram as Hugo Rifkind would have it.

Meanwhile in something of a shock to his feisty wife Elspeth, who had just handbagged the troublesome Cleggy the fire-starting, prick-teasing delinquent, Ming Campbell claimed: "I love young Turks." Or something like that. "I used to be one". He added: "And I have promoted them."

The Scotsman has more detail of the story (no sorry not of Ming's young Turk loving) - IT WAS TWO WHOLE GREENHOUSES OF CACTI - amazing.

OUR EXPERTS ASK: "not easy to set cactus on fire without serious accelerants, what did they use?" arson consultant; "likely to produce a Peyote style trip, had they been er smoking?" narcotics consultant; "more likely to occur if the perpetrators are high than flat drunk, what were they on?" alcoholics anonymous.

Plus, in the Scotsman, shock news that Charles Kennedy's baby was accosted and accused of looking rather like him. Which was hopefully no news to mum Sarah even if it is a bit of an ugly stick to take to a baby of Donald's tender age.

Also some endearing nonsense from Susan Kramer who claimed that the conference agenda booklet was so stuffed with newsworthy material that it would keep the press pack going until next year ... if only.

MEANWHILST: Should any reader wish to share any stories of the youthful (or not so youthful) enterprises of our Parliamentary finest please do drop me a line in strictest confidence.

Can any match two greenhouses of torched rare specimen plants. Can they?


Pudding Lane said...

Your "arson expert" is right. It is very hard indeed to set fire to succulent plants like cacti. We started our fire in a baker's. Dry as a bone see. Did these naughty lads drown these plants in petrol first?

Reckon it's OK though. They were upper class twits after all. It would have been prison for two working class lads.

Football hooligans who have spat in the the street have got far worse.

Chris Paul said...

Yes, it does look like Nick Clegg himself lurking in that fire, centre right. The bonfire of the vanities.

Clegg MUST have leaked this story pro-actively before someone else did. No other explanation.

Did John Leech set fire to the school green houses at MGS to secure his departure? It was noticeable during the phoney war that preceded Kennedy's fall from grace that Leech said (a) Kennedy to the hilt and (b) Clegg for leader.

Check the SMR.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Staines in the fire ...