Friends of the Earth: Not On Our Front Step

They're sending Chuggers out door to door now. Lying as they go. (Good job I've recovered from the serious upset - I'm not kidding - of being called names by a Trot on a mental health demo. It did my head in it really did.)

"We don't give money on our front step" I say. They're not after money, oh no. They're not allowed to pan handle for money, oh no.

"We don't buy anything on our front step either". They're not selling anything, oh no. "And we certainly don't join things OOFS". They're not signing up new members, oh no. So what are they doing?

Going door to door. After dark. In packs. Driven from some distant township. So they don't have to lie on their own doorsteps. They are in fact trying to sell inertia subscriptions on credit.

But before that they want to do a 30-second elevator pitch. Not. On. Our. Front. Step. The guy is genial enough. Good natured. But a liar I think nonetheless.

"You're a Chugger" I say. He's still smiling. "Charity. Mugger." "Or a Churglar perhaps?" That's Charity. Burglar. "We don't want to encourage that." NOOFS!*

* Not a bad acronym. NOMDS and NOMFS were tried. Any other suggestions? Code of Practice - mine didn't even manage point one.