Cameron Messes Up 1: Out of the Mouths of Babes

Just as our old friend Benchill Tory suggests that locally Manchester Lib Dems win some seats purely as they're not Labour and no-one quite believes the other not-Labour options Tories or Greens can "win round here", so, nationally, Dave Cameron's Conservatives perform the same trick.

Hence they have periods of doing well in the polls. Though when they are doing so there are still around half the electorate in the don't know/won't say/undecided/probably won't vote categories. And this clearly reduces towards election time, and mostly in Labour's favour.

When they've been in these "popular" periods of the last couple of years Andy Coulson sends Dave out on charm offences. And in the process his inanity and cluelessness and hubris and SO SO same old same old Toriness are exposed.

If you remember his memory man performance of Autumn 2007 you may remember that the greatest cheers from the Tory faithful were reserved for the most reactionary bits, that there wasn't much if any real content, and that the supposedly "no notes" speech had in fact been drafted tirelessly and learned parrot fashion.

In briefing the "big idea" of the speech that it was "without notes" they might as well have pointed screaming at the thing and outed its complete vacuity. And they were clumsy. Letting the lens press see a few pages of scribble abandoned on the podium. That clumsiness was deliberate. But forgetting that they'd actually done that scribbling on the back of typed pages of the verbatim speech? Recycling paper I suppose. But I'm not sure that part of the clumsiness was deliberate. The speech also included much bog standard offal Tory tripe.

But these facts didn't stick. The media wanted then, as they do now, to run with the "unstoppable Cameron insurgency" story. There is of course time for another flip or flip-flop or flip-flop-flip in fortunes these next 15 months. And then there will be the actual campaign, the actual election, and the actual result. When the DK-WS-UDs and assorted swingers actually make their minds up. Haven't you always wondered how a second class Cameron managed to get his Oxford First? [joke]Whoever finds the person or persons unknown who wrote his dissertation for him is on to a winner.[/joke] And for his exams he can only have chosen wisely on his papers, "spotted" questions ruthlessly, and learned answers by rote. Surely? Because he doesn't seem very bright. Even when let loose on a 12-year-old interviewer.

In yesterday's Guardian magazine various celebrities, including just the one nice-but-dim politician, subjected themselves to interviews by children between 5 and 12. Cameron's was the least charming effort by a distance. As was his grim Conservative Future interrogator who seems to be in on Coulson's trick.

John Terry and Oscar Witt (5) - charming, great empathy and with at least one scoop. Simon Cowell and Francesca Gallio (11) - brilliant stuff, lovely questions, generous answers. David Attenborough and Katie McKenzie (5) - Katie's no Kelvin and freezes stone cold, but some good bits. Girls Aloud plus Lydia Roxburgh (11) - fandabbydozey, though shame she didn't know Simon's kiss and tell answer. Jamie Oliver and Judith Easton (12) - again the format brings some revelations and Judith is very careful not to speak down to James.

Richard Hammond and Kirsty Stark (7) - self-deprecating, some nice lines, and again Kirsty manages not to patronise. Quentin Blake and Holly Matthews (10) - yet another excellent conversation. Theo Walcott and Jack Stott (6) - compare notes on girlfriends and football and hit the Playstation.

Which brings us to the would be leader of this country. He just doesn't seem to get what this is about at all. Not a propaganda opportunity.

David Cameron is interviewed, mostly on crime and punishment, by James Harrington (12). If I'd have to guess I'd say this likely lad is connected in one close way or another to the Tories. Cameron probably gets more out of him than vice versa. Though DC has by far and away the biggest ratio of words out compared to words in. His last answer alone is between a quarter and a third of the whole piece.

Still, young Harrington has got his leadership/Home secretary bid in early, even compared with the precocious Hague. Already has more of an idea about what's what than Nadine Dorries MP who is working her butt off on the Police and Crime Bill committee in the hope that she'll get speedily promoted. As a young gun. Just as Ken Clarke's recall turns the tap off on that Cam fetish. Imagine! Nads as Home Secretary? OMG! She has also decided, helped by emails from her freaky pro-strife friends, that the ex-Nurse in the BBC's Hunter drama is herself and that this is further proof of the BBC's infiltration by non-Tories.

And Cameron does reveal a couple of things. "I thought she (Margaret Thatcher) was basically right about the big issues" ... which is not what he was saying by this Friday in Davos ... and that he is still mightily terrified of the old bat and all she stands for.

AUDIO SLIDE SHOW: Bunch of Children Interview celebrities - an audio slide show.

THAT"S THE WAY TO DO IT: Gordon Brown and Rio Ferdinand shoot the breeze.

NOT IN THE INKY: Jacqueline Wilson; Frank Lampard; and Questions that Got Away including one from Jon Ronson's lad Joel (9). Smart arse naturally.