Media: Crap from Martin Rowson

Martin Rowson's political cartooning in the Guardian has rarely appealled to me that much. I prefer Steve Bell's. Had the great pleasure to meet him and shake his hand at the Guardian party at Labour Party Conference.

Anyway, Rowson has written a CommentIsFree piece on Hanna-Barbera cartoons. You know, Tom and Jerry classics and then admittedly onwards and downwards to the later TV work. Scooby Doo, Yogi Bear, The Flintstones and all that jazz. Rowson dismisses these as "crap". In fact as "shoddily made crap".

Let's try a counter comment: Barbarism in satirical caricature

Rowson's caricature for the Dave/id Cameroon christmas card of King Herod - who was outsider jewish on his dad's side and arab-gentile on his mum's seems pretty nasty. Is it his caricature jew or his caricature arab? Or just his caricature evil child killer, drawing on the previous stereotypes?

I'm amazed that there has been no outrage around it. Rowson could draw something else and take this down off the site. He could admit it is in his word "crap". But then again - pigs might fly. And I think his piece of work may be worse than that.

UPDATE: Martin has made a comment with alacrity saying this may be crap, is a cheap crack about the boy saviour of the Tories, and is not anti-semitic or even anti-childkiller. Thanks Martin for clearing that up. And happy Christmas to you too.

Secret Santa's Reply to Luke Akehurst's Jumped Up Christmas List

On Luke Akehurst's blog Secret Santa said...

Dear Luke

Your heart is very much in the right place young man but you really need to get off your tired New Labour high horse on some of this. Most of this could have been written by the little boys and girls from other political parties my boy. Has it come to that in this new concensus?

Let's negotiate.

1) The UK getting through the year without suffering a major terrorist attack

Who could argue with that? We might add something like "Baghdad, Jerusalem, Cana, Gaza City and Chechnya getting through the year without an escalation in the daily terroristic attacks from states, imperial powers, freedom fighters, and fundies not covered in the above".

2) Iraqi security forces starting to defeat the insurgents so that British troops can start coming home

Mmmm. Why don't the British troops simply get confined to barracks for the Christmas period and then start coming back on New Year's Day?

3) Parliament voting for the UK to renew its strategic nuclear deterrent

I'm not at all happy with this young man. Deterring what exactly young man? This asymmetric "in country" rather than "between country" warfare that is the stock in trade of the Might Makes Right brigades of all ideologies, politics, nations and creeds? Would that be what you were deterring?

I hope for a Parliamentary Labour Party which has the guts to try telling Daily Mail and Torygraph cold warrers to stuff it, talking properly to their party and their constituents about this, and then voting to "hold fire" at worst, dismantle at best. And also give a "no more lies" pledge on nuclear power debate.

4) Tony Blair to have a successful final six months in office, and leave at a time of his own choosing with people wishing he wasn't going

Tony Blair to have a successful final six WEEKS in power before setting the hounds running, to avoid being questioned under caution over the obviously-dodgy-even-if-it-is-legal loans for peerages gig, to land some hard blows on the Tories and Libs for their off shore backers, to leave the space for a poll boosting two months leadership contest with all sections of the party having candidates to choose from, and then marching on to an amazingly good performance in the May elections on all fronts.

I'm not sure whether I should do this but as a small concession to Tony's legacy I'd allow that he can stay as Leader until the 10th anniversary he seeks and take the credit for the election boost alongside the victorious new leaders' designate.

5) Hard Left candidates to manage to be nominated for Labour leader & deputy then get humiliated in the actual vote

Oh come come now. How old are you? I thought you promised to be a good boy and stop picking fights with the children from the other end of the street?

I'd hope for the left to see sense and hold some kind of primary process in the four weeks running up to Tony's announcement, reaching well into the centre of the party so that at least one of the dream ticket is from the first thirty 'Corbyns' in from the left, while the other must be more than 50 but preferably less than 139 Corbyns in.

6) Gordon Brown to hit the ground running as PM with initiatives on tackling poverty in the UK and globally that will be intrinsically important but also unify and re-energise the Labour Party

As something of a republican, an egalitarian and a democrat I'm uncomfortable with this personality led wish, but obviously cheered by the poverty amelioration agenda which must be souped up.

7) Labour to be relected in the Scottish and Welsh elections on 3 May

My recipe for this is above.

8) Regime change to democracy in Cuba, North Korea, Zimbabwe and Burma

And if the democrats in those places actually choose to have strong even revolutionary left governments are you going to be happy with that young man?

9) Global action to stop the genocide in Darfur

I'd have more chance of delivering this one if you could provide some SMART objectives and next steps on this one. Otherwise it's a tall order, albeit one that has universal appeal.

10) Real international action on climate change (as opposed to windmills on David Cameron's roof)

Though of course these things often do begin at home. If we insist on international agreement before we start then we're insisting on a 20 year hiatus rather than leading by example.

Please, please, please can we drop this marketisation of carbon, drop the scientific non sequitors of the most ignorant evangelists, and really make a difference.

For example by tackling the ridiculous grid losses on the National Grid which run at 80% whatever fuel we may use. Area heating schemes, local generation, even MRFs with local energy recovery. It may not be only Dave/ids rooftop, but it might be clean generation at the heart of every village, every suburb and every large building.

Yours

Secret Santa
(who may blog on this again amidst the seasonal cheer of personally distributing winterval cards to 2000 souls in three wards across a wide spectrum of party profile with not a jumped up sectarian among them)

Respectcoalition: Commentisfree reply to "Orwell's Ghost"

[Written at 6pm on 21st but will post near top of blog first of all then put it back in context.]

Orwellsghost

Thanks you for your comment on my comment. You quote me:
"In essence I agree with Salma Yaqoob that everyone should take an interest in, recognise, and take part in Holocaust Memorial Day.".

And you challenge me thus:
"Why? If you object to the politicisation of the Holocaust from the right wing Zionist perspective, then surely you should from the either the far right and far left wings of Pan-Islamist nationalism."

Well, perhaps. OK, not 'everyone' then. Replace will 'all people of goodwill'. But I did not object to the politicization (blah blah) in my comment. You are conflating my points with those made by others.

You say:
"The Holocaust should be commemorated directly only by those communities who suffered from it and not from ideologues such as Yaqoob who apologise for totalitarianism of the kind that has led to genocides and mass terror across the globe."

I will come back to Salma Yaqoob and your comments. But HMD's website http://www.hmd.org.uk/about explains the wider scope:

"Holocaust Memorial Day’s aims are to:

Remember all victims of the Holocaust and Nazi persecution ; Jews, Roma and Sinti (Gypsies), East European civilians, Russian prisoners of war, trade unionists, communists, political opponents, disabled people, Jehovah’s Witnesses, gay men and lesbians and Black Germans.

Reflect upon those affected by more recent atrocities, in Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia and Kosovo.

Educate about the dangers of anti-Semitism, racism and all forms of discrimination."

And further why it is of relevance to all people of good will:

"Holocaust Memorial Day is an issue for everyone. The lessons of the Holocaust are of universal relevance and have implications for us all. Holocaust Memorial Day offers an opportunity for people in the UK in the 21st century to reflect upon, consider and discuss how those events still have relevance for all members of today’s society without detracting from or lessening the Jewish aspect of Holocaust remembrance. Holocaust Memorial Day is distinct from Yom HaShoah, the Jewish day of remembrance for the Jewish victims of the Nazis that falls in late April."

You continue:

"After all, the Holocaust really is something particular mainly for the Jews."

But although this is true to an extent there is no good reason to exclude all the other groups who were slaughtered in this operation. The ones for example who are specifically listed as specifically included by HMD. And others. Or do you think there is?

Do you actually object to the inclusion now of Rwanda and so on? And gays, gypsies, communists, trade unionists and the list goes on.

You then say:
"Perhaps, it might be a good idea to have a Genocide Memorial Day and to include the victims of Leninist and Stalinist terror famines ( including the Muslim Kazakhs whose population plummeted 40% in the first few years of the Soviet Union ). I wonder whether Yaqoob would be so keen to participate in that?"

You might be surprised at who turned up to protest Stalin's activities.

But you bash on:
"Don't forget the Twenty Million who perished under Stalin and the responsibility that Lenin had in creating the Soviet state that made it possible. Nor the masses of people who perished during the Iranian Revolution and the subsequent Iran-Iraq War between 1980-88 which was a product primarily of that revolution but also, it has to said, aided by callous US realpolitik too."

OK. Orwellsghost, if you draft a letter requesting that either (a) HMD broaden their wider scope still further to include Stalin's victims or (b) that the HMD constituents should participate and as experts help facilitate a separate GMD then I will consider signing alongside you comrade.

As I wrote before I think this Amis idea about "species consciousness" is very fertile ground. And it is really saddening when the same rhetoric and violence appears on all sides of all the arguments. There are other ways.

Back to Salma Yaqoob. I don't know her personally. Perhaps you do. But you have her down as an "ideologue" and a Stalin supporter. I really don't know what you mean by the first label really. And the second seems like little more ignorant name calling really. Sorry if that is unfair, but that is how it seems.

But more than this I do not have the faintest what Salma's route was into Respect or the SWP. Perhaps via the broader anti war movement?

But you've not changed my mind. I still believe it is a good thing for communities to work together on this. And that means we include asian people whether they are godless communists, devout religionists of all strains, or perhaps from a more secular mainstream.

Tory Transparency: The Emperor Penguin's New Clothes are being laundered says Guido

The Webcameroon vote rigging scandal which LoL reported here and here rumbles on.

There was no attempt to unpick the sorry Tory mess of personation, manipulation, intimidation, treating and all. But on the big one about Party Funding I'm sorry to say that Dave/id rather ducked the question dealing with the warm up about transparency, but not with the substantive questions about HUGE amounts emanating from shady off shore accounts and being laundered by Tory CCHQ.

As Guido pointed out here these off shore banking arrangements are frequently used by dealers and pimps, implying that these may now be the Tories' paymasters.

Given the level of sexual and personal bungs sleaze they managed in their last stint at the helm of the Playboy Yacht of State can this be wise?

Meanwhile Dave/id will not need to launder his political clothes. The Emperor Penguin of cuddly nu tory spin is ... naked.


No answers Re-ask Guido. Tory laundering after www.unodc.org.

Respectcoalition: Muslims Need To Take Part

Posted this earlier in response to Cllr Salma Yaqoob (Respect) who has a Comment is Free piece today.

There is an interesting animated history map of the region which I referred to here yesterday having been put on to it by Iain Dale.

In essence I agree with Salma Yaqoob that everyone should take an interest in, recognise, and take part in Holocaust Memorial Day. Each of us can consider the historic and present day killings we choose as well as the Holocaust itself and by our being together with others with their own various priorities of memory we can unite together in condemning these killings and in working together to end the Might Makes Right meme.

Martin Amis wrote this a few days after 11 September 2001 coming up with the concept of "species consciousness" which I empathised with. I don't think I've ever read one of his books, and he is a bit of a loose cannon at times in interviews, but that was I think a useful thought.

Being a member of Labour Against The War which was set up in 2001, and a supporter of Unite Against Fascism and other campaigns I often work together with members of Respect and the independent left, occasionally speak on platforms with them when no one better at it is available, march with them, welcome asylum seekers with them.

But at times this is difficult. Protesting against Israeli strafeing (the word means punishing by the way) of targets in Southern Lebanon is one thing. But I do not support the placards or chants of "We are all Hezbollah now" or "From the river to the sea" any more than I support the ritual manic Zionist counter demonstration. Except on free speech grounds. But can't people of good will sometimes exercise their freedom to hold their tongues?

So often we hear the same discourse from all sides. It boils down to: "We're right and you're wrong. Talk is not getting us anywhere. Might makes right. So take that." The kind of "Freedom" which means ten people can make five people do whatever they like is a horrendous kind of freedom.

Now a digression. I reached Salma's comment via this unrelated item on the Respect website. I think this helps illustrate the problem which this coalition faces. They claim: New Labour in Tower Hamlets supports Sexploitation. But this claim is not supported by the facts they give.

Five weeks ago (but this is new on the news page!) the Labour Group voted not to debate an opposition motion. An entirely different matter. There are few ruling groups of any colour that pass opposition motions as submitted. Generally these are amended out of existence or procedurally stymied.

Another such case may comes along when the Preston Respect group of one tries to debate Trident today. Perhaps not. We'll see. But this was I think part of what was going on when a popular call for an Iraq enquiry, but from nationalist parties didn't make its quota. With George Galloway I think sadly among the absentees. Again.

If and when Respect have a significant part in a ruling coalition - perhaps one day with the Tories in Tower Hamlets eh Salma? - they will be in the position where their side gets to decide whether to debate the motion from the Greens, the Lib Dems or indeed Labour. Or not. Whether they agree with the sentiments or not chances are that they too will amend beyond recognition or also procedurally stymie.

Hazel Blears - Motorbike Gallery Special

Dedicated to Iain Dale - possibly Hazel's number one fan.

The Myth

It was very kind of the keen motorcyclist and Labour Party Chair Hazel Blears to have loaned her very own bike (above) to the Labour Party to illustrate their campaign against mini bikes.

The Reality

This is a picture of Hazel positively dwarfing a mini bike.

More Reality

Astride one of her own motorcycles.

And Finally, Proper Salford Surreality

With members of the Mid-Life Crisis Motorcycle Club, and Hell's Angels Motorcycle Clubs.

Hundreds of presents were handed out to youngsters at Pendlebury Hospital and £15,000 was raised through sponsorship, donations, raffle and auction with the proceeds going to Francis House children's hospice in Didsbury (2004).

Commercialisation of Mayor: Day of Redkening

Has Red Ken Livingstone protected his long-standing brand name? If so he will be raking in a fortune from Redken Cosmetics' activity.

Based on 5th Avenue, NYC they have joined Dave/id's sneaker brand in plumping for Red as the Colour to support.

In fact Converse are in a cartel trademarking the device and word
( ) RED no less.

Lib Dem Stunts: More Fishy (and Cheeky) Tales

Guido Fawkes has also alleged that maverick stop-at-nothing Fib Dem freelancer Lembit Opik is exceeding the "touch my bum" brief and is now interfering with a Cheeky Girl's ... visa application.

This is what his friends have found in the Code of Conduct for Members of Parliament:

"Holders of public office should not place themselves under any financial or other obligation to outside individuals or organisations that might influence them in the performance of their official duties."

"Holders of public office have a duty to declare any private interests relating to their public duties and to take steps to resolve any conflicts arising in a way that protects the public interest."

Tory Funding: Sense From Redwood!

Hat tip to Guido for pointing to this page where John Redwood writes some remarkably good sense about party funding.

Animated Histories: Middle East and US-warring

Thanks to Iain Dale's Diary for pointing to this dynamic history map of the Middle East over the last 5,000 years. Interesting.

However, I think there is a bit of conceptual side to this supposed exposition of the belligerence or pacifism of the respective US political parties. Expressed in terms of US troops killed in wars started on a day during each party's watch, whoever continued them.

There are no indications of other nations' casualties. They "don't do body counts". But we do. Milan Rai PDF direct download here.

IBC counter coming soon if possible.

Tory Democracy: Hands Up for Bottom of the Class Francis Maude

Thanks to Will Parbury for his intriguing questions for the Tory grandee who is 'appearing' on the cult web TV channel 18 Doughty Street this evening to be interviewed by Iain Dale.

Mr Maude may decide he's not playing ball after the first of Will's questions should Iain ask them. But I have some more with a Manchester flavour which may be of interest given that nowhere - not even Blaenau Gwent is a no-go area for Tories.

Dale could ask him about disreputable Tories cheating on their own "Ask Dave/id" polls? Possibly knocking Lord Fawkes off top spot in a late flurry of VEVO rather than OMOV activity.

Or about Rupert Murdoch's merry hordes being disenfranchised on Iain's own blog I suppose.

He could ask him what he thinks about the Lib Dems being so "affronted" by the Tory tactics in the Cheadle bye-bye-Tories-election.

I have it on good authority from a source who used to be close to the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister aka the Deputy Prime Minister's Office that these tactics were not new. These were a word and picture perfect repetition of err, Lib Dem tactics used elsewhere against Labour!

Is there a Lab-Con coalition on the go? Apart the one last year in Rochdale which so amused the Fib Dems that is. I mean, fancy a progressive party getting into bed with the Tories. They would never do that.

And Dale might ask Maude why Jake "the Fake" Berry who is now working for the Tories in London CCHQ, having left his lawyering job in Manchester 'voluntarily' (it says on his blog, but why say that?) is STILL pretending to live "on the outskirts of Manchester" when he actually lives or lived nearer to Liverpool. The wrong side of the M6 I think.

Jake geographical 'knowledge' was also on display as part of the Tory team at Boundary Commission hearings and he supported a wholly ridiculous carve up of the NW into meaningless new constituencies e.g. one with central salford, Manchester and Stretford all in it!

Richard Wilson from the Lib Dems was even barmier though suggesting a system which divided this fibber's fib-won constituency into three bits. For some reason Richard is having trouble finding a ward to contest after being bumped out to make room for a hard-graft convicted criminal! He is that popular. Richard was a Labour councillor for a year before being de-selected. He might try the Greens next, if they'll have him.

Jake's replacement as candidate in City Centre ward in Manchester says he lives in the city centre. You never know this may be true, but then again he has a job as a professional fiddler. Actually not so different from Jake come to think of it as he was a specialist in property deals and now works for Tory Central!

Finally, back to the big picture Iain Dale might ask Francis what it is like to have a NEGATIVE and still fast dropping rating out of 100 from his own membership? As shown in the graph above and the league table right. Both courtesy of those chart and table obsessed saddoes at conservativehome.

Tory Democracy: Lord Murdoch of Muck in Corrupt Poll Recount Demand

Following my last Tory "democracy" revelation close by I am now reeling as it is revealled that Lord Murdoch of Muck is incandescent. He has purchased 5000 computers for the people at Sky Industries. And he got all 5000 of them unique email addresses too. Some of them have their own identities. But due to the very security arrangements to be introduced by the webcameroonies he, I mean they, is/are only getting one damn vote in Lord Dale's fine polls, like this one which hinted at Murdoch's displeasure. A man pays for 5000 votes he should bloody well get them used to be the rotten Tory way. So just what is occuring?

Tory Democracy: Another Vote Rigging Scandal

Oh dear. All's not well with
the soul of the Notting Hill set. After almost thirty years watching party politics from within I've seen a few things in my time. But rarely as gut wrenchingly shocking as Webcameron's latest "Ask Dave/id" corruption.
The system is simple enough. Registered readers at Dave/id's own bells and whistles multimedia blob try to come up with incisive questions that cut to the heart of Dave/id's new 'policies' and 'principles' for the Cuddly-Nu-Tories.

It's all to play for as a friendly one-reader-one-vote poll decides which five questions Dave/id is asked to answer. Like Blair, his young pretender Dave/id "The Future" Cameron wants to be seen as a "pretty straight kinda guy". But it seems that as sure as knighthoods follow loans the whole thing has quickly become completely crooked.

Tories simply cannot organise a valid and trustworthy poll within their own benighted organisation. How can we trust them with the real thing? And I'm not referring to Coke here.

The big picture (above) shows the cordoned off crime scene. Stable doors have been shut. But the Tory Horse has bolted.

The detailed one (below) spells out the shocking revelation that self-serving Tory types will stop at nothing to get their own selfish me me me agendas implemented.

These poll cheats are working round the system's in-built security.

This allows only one vote per registered member - a bit like having an electoral register and a unique polling number - but I'm led to believe that the Tory hoodies are:
- borrowing other people's identities without their knowledge and voting several times - the crime of personation
- making up completely bogus identities and registering these - deeply fraudulent
- assembling gangs and family groups and using their alpha status and inducements to boss the voting - manipulation and treating
- organising a last minute rush so the tellers are overrun and the opposition wrong footed

Remember if you're a Tory - looking out for number one - it's gotta be a case of vote early vote often.



We'll report back on whether the strenuous new security measures will re-establish the honour of the party.

Tory Funding: One in the Eye for Polar Dave/id

Guido Fawkes and Iain Dale are forever directing their slings and arrows at New Labour as we might expect.

From time to time I ask one or other of these Tory sultans of spin: "So what are the Tories doing or would they do about that?" For example on party funding. Loan amount required for a Big P or a Modest K for example. Well, thanks to Guido for responding by asking racy "Dave" or stable "David" as he is now calling himself on webcameron (all a bit bi-polar sounding that) this excellent question.

LoL's crack html team could make the 'vid vid play. But we're not going to. Hat tip to the webcameroonie html'ers though for their arrow-in-the-eye homage to old Harold. Sure to tug on the bowstrings of the older elements of the Hastings membership.

Lib Dem Stunts: Mad As A Fish

Matt Davies has taken the Lib Dem penchant for slipping into something less comfortable to extremes. He has dressed up for the day as a sardine. He has then done as sardines do when they have the whole of the mediterranean to swim in. He has joined a large group of fellow travellers, let's say a "clot of commuters" in this case rather than a shoal; been drawn into a known death trap, or train station; and eventually squeezed with them all into a rather small metal box.

He must be mad as a fish.

He should also have a word with this clown who as number four front bench spokesman in the Lib Dems transport team bemused fellow MPs as he thrashed around in a recent debate like a beached whale, complaining about clever alterations to railway carriages to improve comfort and capacity on the busiest sections of the commuter network.

Does our friend want to put more squeeze on Davies' Clot of Lib Dems?

He must be mad as a large aquatic mammal.

More links in this one soon.

Green Day: Play That MLF Video

Come on peeps/ Play this video. She's not just a pretty face. She has wise words to say.

Green Day: Libs Now Too Yellow to be Fair?

No surprise that the Tory greenery doesn't stretch to the undergrowth. Only the canopy feeding Etonian Cameron's stunts like this (in own words) seem to have got into the swing of this bogus green cuddly-nu-tory agenda.

On the other hand there seem to be real problems of understanding within the Lib Dems with this woman trying to get free parking and a fair deal for 4 x 4s one minute and waving placards against them and hollering the next. Not very convincing that. The Greens have their number.

But surely on Fair Trade it's different? Even if the party of the mercantile classes remains robust in their Free Trade ideals the Libs are on side aren't they? Their latest leaflets in my area show NW MEPs Chris Davies and Sajjad Karim talking the talk and the maverick Davies is all over the place appearing to support Fair Trade. But what do the rank and file chancers think?

This blog from the well meaning Councillor Ann In Sedgeley (Bury, Greater Manchester) does not deviate from a green/fair message. Yet the only comment in recent times basically says that (a) Fair Trade is not green and (b) Fair Trade is completely antithical to Lib Dems who want it free. Well done Tristan. But you're not just some village idiot are you? You're a proper Fibby blogger here whose last home post is all about getting it wrong. Or in my opinion right. By supporting an element of competitive sports against Lib Dem spokes-maverick nonsense. Work on the spolling in your comments but better out than in. If you want to get anything else off your chest just mail me at idea at mcr1 poptel org uk.

Green Day: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Great to see that the yule logs for sale at nearby Unicorn Grocery are strictly local. They have not been brought in at the expense of huge "logmiles" from South America or China in line with this workers' cooperatives strict ethical policies.

It really is like going to a church of righteousness when we cross their sacred threshhold genuflect and collect up our sea-transported figs, un-tortured but strangely twisted vegetables, and penally diverse grains.

Living in strictly smokeless and smog-free Manchester we won't be getting our burning logs from Unicorn. Lest they are sourced from faraway Urmston or Reddish we have house policy of only burning logs we have plucked from Mother Earth with our own bare hands.

And naturally we wait until suppliers are completely sold out of the smokeless, heatless and fireless varieties before buying the real coal.

This is surely entrapment? This lot would surely never sell smokey things without a pure green motivation.

POSTSCRIPT FOR GREENISH MILLIONAIRESSES: Sorry Lynne. I should have said. These are wooden logs. Unicorn will not allow any products with refined sugar or honey to darken their doors. These are NOT chocolate yule logs, sorry. Yes I know you were probably struggling to understand. It is very confusing, yes.

Green Day: Tory 'Thinker' Scorns 'Snap Election'?

Iain Dale here uses the raised eyebrow of punctuation's canon to poor scorn on an old gentleman's dream of a 'Snap Election'. He also misses the lead from the BBC's characterising Lynne's new job 'International Affairs' and therefore clearly linked to Lembit's new twin project(s).

ERRATA? Did I tap "poor scorn"? Yes. Was it intentional? No. Should it stand? Yes. A good deal of scorn poured here is poor. Or a bit rich.

Green Day: "Too Yellow to be Green" Millionairess to Lead for Fibs on "International Affairs"

International affairs then for millionairess Lynne Featherstone, presumably starting with Lembit Opik and those Cheeky Girls and moving on to whatever international affairs come along next. Her first chance on the front bench. Remarkable really. Not because of her obvious talents. But because they seem to have three or four "front bench" spokes-people for each portfolio. Which means she must have been one-on-her-own in NOT having a post - before being assigned to hold the monster Lembit's allegedly internationally wandering hand(s). LoL understands that this is the first time any party has appointed a front bencher to deal with cross-border romances.

In a triumph for LoL's crack html team this shows Lynne's grasp of hypocrisy and/or stupidity with the link above describing her brave activity for the free parking 4x4 brigade and her other millionairess ways while the one below shows she's "down with the greens". Bonus is face time with Simon Hughes. Someone we don't see enough of these days.

Stewart, Blears and Keeley United For Reds

There's now a picture of the dynamic trio and a self-made-man here. So there. Plenty of great clunking fists on show.

Green Day: Blues for Yellow Fib Dem MP in Polls

Sadly our friend still Councillor John Leech still MP (just about) has not made the top twenty in this poll. Strange really as not so long ago he was being feted as best campaigner by lobby journalists in The House Magazine, even though his campaign was based largely on fibs. And believing his expenses return too was quite a stretch.

Just now I can't find the exact quote from Mr Leech's press release but I recall that though he is quite an afficianado of the old amateur dramatics it was something about not being a luvvie, but how it was not the winning but the taking part. And all that old luvvie tosh.

Clearly not winning AND not taking part was not on the radar at the time. But watch this space for more slumping in fortunes. Incidentally the picture, which has gone down well just about everywhere it has been seen is not of:

(a) Leech chewing a wasp
(b) Leech finding out about the Dale awards
(c) Leech on returning from Dr Who time travel to 2009 count
(d) Leech having ate humble pies for his Christie hoax
or
(e) Leech on returning from Dr Who time travel after the autumn 2007 count dreamt up by an old gentleman

It is in fact of his red letter day when he was presented with hundreds of postcards slagging him off for his horrendous Christie hoax in which hospital closure scare stories were handed to chemotherapy patients at the thriving hospital.

"Dr Who?" was also the question on shocked residents' lips as a Freedom of Information enquiry revealled that no letters or petitions featuring the signatures of 60 doctors protesting at a supposed "closure" had been received. But this mythical document was the thing that Leech based his campaign on.

And now when he is challenged to apologise he always asks: "Are you saying 60 doctors are liars?" I can set his mind at rest:
No John, No John, No John, No - we're not saying that.

Green Day: Nature Red in Tooth and Claw

Guido he speaks with fawked tongue having the cheek to show a BBC picture of two Tories fighting over the PR direction for their be-nighted party and re-caption it as if they are Labour folk. We're not going to buy that. They may look fluffy and cute like "Dave" but we all know they have (a) sharp claws and teeth and that (b) like a (Liam) Fox they "stinketh both at nose and tail".

A ZOOLOGIST WRITES: "These ferrets are indeed Tory creatures. But they are not fighting. They are in fact checking each other's "size of membership". If they are both A List they may then proceed to appoint themselves as PPCs and joyfully copulate."

Thank you Zoologist!

Green Day: Popping Up to the Capital of Culture

Pop Up Pages can be a pain. Sometimes they show where a publication is really coming from. You know online gambling and dating chat that spans the generations on The Church Times - we made that up - or ditto at The Manchester Evening News - where we didn't - just as they wage balanced journalisms against er, gambling, or er, dodgy dating chat.

This one however is excellent. And to launch the LoL Green Day we think it can be recycled in 12 months time. In fact it may already have been recycled from previous years. Isn't that the roaring elk from Tampere 02 or somewhere? No? Perhaps not. This is the roaring stag of Luxembourg. But if you click through the image above you'll find that it will barely need a tweak to be adopted by Liverpool 08.

Just run a search and replace and stick Liverpool in for Luxembourg and you'll find very little that sticks in the craw. OK, OK, there aren't that many Michelin starred restaurants, and while there is gravy of sorts this means EU Bureaucrats are only there to find out why the Liverpool Lib Dems down the years have so often failed to spend trillions of EU loot.

And also how historically the legendary total outputs for some of their EU-funded training schemes show they've helped up to five times the scouse working population into work in any one year. Which is going some.

Size of Membership

Size of membership has always been an issue for our political parties. But this has taken on quite a different meaning for the serial willy watchers here. Perhaps they need to change their spam settings and invest in some little blue tablets to go with their little blue membership.

What a Difference 23 Years Makes

This may be a piece of blogging which finds support right across the political spectrum.

Iain Dale is of course able to do this because there has never been a Tory PPC who changed their mind on anything they ever put on an out card, a campaign leaflet, or an electoral address. Or even I suppose a blog.

We all know that "Dave" Cameron still holds with the ERM thing and with the gruesome ideas that he authored for the true blue "are you thinking what we're thinking" con manifesto (guardianunlimited download) for 2005. Two not 23 years ago. Dave knows if he had really changed his mind on such fundamental matters he would rightly be ridiculed by Iain Dale.

That's one of the joys of conservatism. Nothing ever changes. "My archaic ideas, right or wrong" the risk-averse, anti-progressive mantra. The crappy school song of the establishment right; some very crappy real ones are quoted (here) by the appropriately named Mr Henley. Jolly Boating Weather, What!?

The Tory Party at Prayer (Still, very still)

Though the preacher, suffragette and Tory scion Maude Royden warned the Church of England almost 90 years ago that: "The Church should go forward along the path of progress and be no longer satisfied only to represent the Conservative Party at prayer" the poor souls have been too small c conservative to heed her advice.

Went along tonight with the family bell ringer to Rostherne Parish Church for the annual Christmas Carol Service. As it was dark we did not see the view of the lake. And we certainly did not see the lake's mermaid or hear her ring her lost bell.

But what we did see was the Tory party at prayer. Vicar reminiscing from pulpit of old comrades, judges and farmers and that nice detective from Midsomer shoulder to shoulder in the pews, and in the bell tower for that matter, and ... an average age, discounting the brass band and choir, of about 74. With choir 77. Still, last time I was there two years ago, again in solidarity with the bell ringer, the christmas midnight service was pretty dour, chilly and certainly did not have a bass trombonist leading a jazzy Frosty The Snowman astray before the collection.

Things are looking heavenwards then for the Tories.

Disclaimer: We did have a jolly time at Rostherne ringing bells, singing carols and all that. We made up the bit about the choir boosting the average age by three years. As there were a couple of hundred huddled in the apse or the nave or whatever, and only eight of them they'd all have to be 154 to have achieved that. Which was not quite true. Synchronity in Observer X-Word where "Unfriendly Conservative, advanced in years (4)" becomes C_O_L_D which the parishioners of Rostherne and the once-a-year-for-carols-brigade there certainly were not.

Tories "Deeply Worried"

Tory conspiracy theorists are really having trouble this evening with this unprecedented week of bad news/good news. They say they are deeply worried. Because of stuff people have written in The Mail on Sunday and the tabloid Times no less.

Danny Finkelstein's Times blog is quoted at the home of the Acting Tory Pulpit-Master-in-Chief* thus:

"The rule of law having been dismissed, and the public interest having been equated with the Government's interests (for which Blair takes "full responsibility"), the Attorney General can now step in to halt the cash for honours enquiry. Not in the public interest, you see. While we're at it, why not arrest DC Yates for conduct prejudicial to national security?"

Must say it seems to me that there is no equivalence between the two cases, that Blair and Levy may be able to walk away from that - albeit in separate directions - without having to throw the laws out of their prams, and that Tory commentators have now taken a leaf out of Lord Fayed's book of gaga.

* Lord Fawkes has gone more than 48 hours without a single scratch on his blog, so Lord Dale is in the Chair. Both have been recently ennobled for lining the new party "Google's" pockets. But it looks as if the tea total Dale survived the xmas drinks and "tit-bits" sic better than his more incendiary accomplice.

Pillow Talk : Cameron is "Unbelievably Soft"

Sadly the eBay pillowcase of sexy super "Dave" Cameron has turned out to be part of a cursed international money laundering heist. A tissue of lies. Day dreaming towards oblivion.

Every eBayer who has claimed to stock these luxury items (from $11 plus about $20 postage to UK) which like "Dave" are "unbelievably soft" etc etc has been turned to dust by eBay HQ.

Apparently, like Dave, they are full of empty promises; they live in a dream world; and they think it "don't get better than ..." helping themselves. A cruel Con trick that's what.

The illustration above, of the new Tory threesome model, has been produced at great expense by the LoL art department. All previous "genuine" web images have been confiscated from the tricksters responsible and are being held as evidence by eBay taste and honesty police.

School League Table Farrago

When I first became aware of this "scandal" which caused our friend to choke on his cornflakes I was not blogging. But I find myself agreeing at least a little with this Tory Cllr Iain Lindley of Salford City Council, but mostly disagreeing (phew!). Though I do disagree with him far more on the alleged Hazel Blears selection scrap non-story op cit for which he appears to be Iain Dale's source.

Essentially some schools have cottoned on to the fact that they can enter students for certain BTecs and GNVQs that are reckoned to be worth FOUR GCSEs and thereby get vocationally but not academically gifted and talented within reach of five passes. Which is something I've got a lot of time for. Though I suspect Lindley doesn't. But mixing the two types of qualifications up in one table really isn't at all helpful.

The newer measure of "five good GCSE passes including Maths and English" is going to be much more useful. And there should be another measure to be proud of on the vocational side. So in fact, Cllr Lindley, these latest changes are part of the evolution of the 11-16 qualifications towards something more useful.

League tables haven't appealled to me much. They academic ones can cause the least and most able to be abandoned.

But if we're going to look at some I prefer those referred to here from the OECD which show that Finland - with universal comprehensive education, little or no public testing, continuity at community schools 6-16, and equally valued vocational and academic routes as Mr Tomlinson proposed for us - well, they knock the socks off our own schools. More here from the BBC whose handy heavenly Helsinki picture is above.

Their boys and girls perform equally well throughout the age range and in all subjects. And Finnish English, Maths and Science results all top the OECD league consistently.

If memory serves they have 98% staying on at 16 and 68% going into Higher Education. Double our figures.

So how about it Iain(s)? Universal comprehensive schooling? No selection? No single sex or faith schools?

Hanging Matters 3: Give Them Enough Rope

Under the title It was a deterrent someone signing themselves "Pro-hanging majority" of Levenshulme writes to the Manchester Evening News' famous Postbag calling for a return of the rope and quotes an unidentified MP saying "we are just a mob if we want hanging back".

If that's Mr Kaufman, our friend's own very cultured MP, then bravo. But our hang-em-and-flog-em friend, of a Tory persuasion I'll be bound, knows that we're not complete idiots and that they need an argument or two to persuade us of the merits of their case.

One killer fact does the trick: "Murders have increased 20 fold since it (hanging) was abolished." Phew, that's going to tough statistic to counter. Since 1965, our ghoulish correspondent is telling us, there has been a 2000% increase in homicides.

So, if there were 400 culpable homicides in 1965 ... that means there must be 8,000 this year. Which even allowing for a considerable increase in population over the last 40 years is going some.

The police really should do something about it. Or perhaps it should be sub-editors of the Manchester Evening News who didn't spot this troll coming, and haven't printed a letter correcting this "fact" - though I know at least one has been submitted.

Can any of you dear readers guess the correct figure? And the proportion of the offences originally recorded as homicides that are later downgraded or struck out completely as say accidents or suicides. No googling or oggling please!

How many homicides recorded per year in England and Wales? How many (in brackets) later downgraded?
	8000 (none)
	8000 (10)
	8000 (100)
	8000 (1000)
	4000 (none)
	4000 (10)
	4000 (400)
	1000 (none)
	1000 (100)
	700 (10)
	700 (100)
	500 (10)
	500 (50)
pollcode.com free polls

Hazel Blears: It Ain't So! (New Pic)

The Tories Deputy Pontificator has this:Iain Dale's Diary: Hazel Blears: Say it Ain't So!. Hot off the press, not.

OK. Barbara Keeley has just held onto her Worsley seat up the road, now sansthe bits of Wigan/Leigh that were tagged on (though mostly forgotten). But essentially this is a lot of out of date Tory Tosh. This story has been placed - by Mr Ian Stewart's friends - in our at times rather gullible local rag most recently nearly three weeks agohere.

Anyone with a command of research will find that although Mr Stewart has not had a glittering ministerial career to defend (or to brown off leftists) he has managed to consistently drag himself through the lobbies with Ms Blears and Mr Blair on the war and most everything else.

So where's the political choice there then? Both are Co-op Party people too. Stewy has the edge with the Trade Unions. But Hazey has The Daily Mail and The Sun in the palm of her hand.

Both are personally fairly popular with their local people. And the Blairs sorry Blears part of the new constituency is much much bigger than the rump of Stewart's.

Clearly when this vote comes to pass one of the two Blairite/Brownite/Reidite/Millibandiste characters will be parachuted in somewhere else. More on this later.

Gallows Humour: "Mrs Santa Claus" must die

Interrupting my "Hanging Trilogy" with a little gallows humour seems appropriate. Today I enjoyed three hours of solidarity with some fantastic human beings.

This was the annual Campaign to Defend Asylum Seekers Christmas bash at the Friends Meeting House. My good friend, the exceedingly famous asylum seeker Farhat Khan - and you'll find her at Guardian, Independent, and now Mail websites so I'm not doing a lazy link - was there. Just google her.

Fresh from her recent burying bad news (we could be deported at any time and NASS people come and wrongfully threaten us) soiree at Number 10 as a valued contributor to society, which is added to her Buckingham Palace reception in 2004 as a very exceptional human being, she was here upfront as speaker of honour, yet later also incognito as a traditionally garbed purveyor of presents to a happy crowd of asylum seekers and their children.

Being announced as "Mrs Santa Claus" however got her worried. Yet another affront to her nasty husband and yet another honour crime. Appearing to marrying a mythical creature.

Message to husband. This is not real. Farhat has not married Santa. Get over it.

Even the Daily Mail is now calling for hospitality for personable asylum seekers like Farhat. But of course there are thousands of children, women and men who would and could contribute to British life; who are in grave danger whether they can prove it forensically or not; and who need our support. If only they all had the exceptional balls of Ms Farhat Khan.