Classless Society: Forged on the Playing Fields of Eton

"It was not often that a blogger could describe "classless" George Osborne as 'Far Left'. But then Dizzy remembererd that life's a stage, and stage left is Far Right."
Few days ago now Dizzy published a justification for surreal Toffs in government. Basically he said that if they're good enough then they're good enough. But there's a thought. Are they good enough? No, no, no.

Class mobility in both directions is overstated rather. The two questions for Osborne, Cameron and Johnson (and the other Etonian fuckwits) ought to be :

"If they were part of the Bullingdon Bullies Bollinger club with habitual activities including restaurant smashing, fox cub monstering, booze and drugs in excess ... can you be rehabilitated?"
and
"Why the hell are there so many Old Etonians on man-of-the-people DC's front bench ... actually quite a few of them are rather dim, but not nice. Not just toffs, but uber toffs."

PICTURE KEY and more from The Daily Mail.

Aaargh-sclusive: The BNP Field Candidates in Every Single Leeds Metro Seat

The fascist BNP are fielding candidates - hopefully not all harbouring 22 explosive components in their garage or race-hate in their hearts - in every ward in Leeds Metro.

This is a worrying development and we must hope that all those opposed to their disgusting politics will unite, not squabble. Keep them out!

The BNP also have a craven candidate in Skipton, though it is not the no-coon-jokes disgraced ex-LibDem mayor.

Anyone having the slightest doubt that the BNP are fascists in suits can observe the black-shirted Burnley BNP-er in LOL's picture (right).

He was remonstrating with police in support of a disgusting NF/Combat 18 protest (above) at Manchester Pride last summer and against our anti-fascist picket of it.

Dale Exclusive: Ministers Do Constituency Speeches

Iain Dale has this "hedging your bets" exclusive:

Ann Keen is a loyal woman. She's also PPS to the Prime Minister in waiting Gordon Brown. It's safe to say that she doesn't breathe without his say so. So it's all the more interesting to learn that she has invited David Miliband to speak to her Brentford & Isleworth Constituency Labour Party in May. Well, as Talleyrand might say, I wonder what she means by that...

Phew! Hold the front page. But what about this one, spelling corrected:

Labour North West Gala Dinner with special guest Rt. Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
April 2007 (venue hush hush) ...
I am delighted that the Environment Secretary, David Miliband MP has kindly agreed to be our guest speaker. The dinner will be hosted by Salford MP and Chair of the Labour Party, the Rt Hon Hazel Blears MP.

Went to one of these in 2005. McCartney hosted - it was in Wigan. (This new one may be in Salford). Brown was Guest of Honour. Blears facilitated access to Brown for your blogger without having to pay the premium for Platinum tickets.

It was a day after Pope John Paul II died and Brown scrapped his political speech and was fantastic on support for developing countries. Without notes. More frightening was a complete lack of raffles and auctions out of respect for a dead pontiff. Very strange. They still had the Beetle Drive at the Vatican Cardinals Social Club after all.

What next Iain? "Blears seen in same room as Brown, Miliband, Johnson, Hain, Prescott and Harman?" and "Blears Backs Prescott for Crown".

If you got Hazey in a room with McDonnell - other than the chamber at the HoP - or Cruddas I'd be more impressed.

MacLibdemologists: Committed to Cut Crimes ... Committed by Lib Dems

Both Labour and Tories have spotted this cutting, and OK the Tories (Wale's second party(?!): Iain Dale), though not Dale, did get there first.

Fib Dems also have a heart-warming story about a Lib Dem MSP making a property killing (almost like Michael Meacher) on the tax-payer. Thank goodness John Leech isn't profiteering like this.

Come to think of it though, how much is John Leech's flat in London worth now, compared to what he paid for it less than two years ago? How much was the price under the odds at the time? And why didn't "honest John" insist on paying the correct price?

Will Angela Gallagher ever see sofas and drapes her contributions paid for? And is Leech REALLY trying to oust his main benefactor (£23,000 declared ++) using tax payers money for obviously party political leaflets?

Guardian Letters: Fawcett Society on Date Rape Drugs

In today's Guardian The Fawcett Society's Jon Collins has a letter published:

The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs is right to be concerned about the seriousness of drug-facilitated sexual assault (New evidence on date rape prompts call for drugs ban, April 3). However, by focusing on the behaviour of the victim when giving suggestions on how risk can be reduced, for example in advising women not to go out alone, we risk missing the bigger picture. The focus of prevention work must be on changing the behaviour of perpetrators of sexual assault, not its victims. Women should be safe to go to clubs, pubs or parties without being at risk of sexual assault - anything else will be an admission of failure.
Jon Collins
Senior policy officer, Fawcett Society

There have recently been a number of faux jury programmes on telly. Contrived but engaging. Lord Archer was among the jurors on the latest.

The possible maverick parliamentary candidate Rosie Boycott was required to review this and stated on Newsnight review :

"Archer could not even be on a jury as a convicted felon". And she went on "We've reached the point in Britain where rape is a virtually unpunishable crime". And Spare Rib founder Rosie added that get taken to court and, given the statistics, you'd need to have done 20 rapes to get one conviction.

Archer is still in the Lords after perjury over a sexual liaison. The working class muslim boxer Prince Naseem meanwhile following dangerous driving ... is stripped of his MBE.

Thousands walk free from rape every day. I would say that the exact same number have this brutal invasion - still permitted by our system - to live with. But in fact walk free rapists and date rapists are very often serial offenders. And powerful men in respectable positions are perpetrators as well as smirking lads.

FOOTNOTE: One woman I know in Chorlton, Manchester has every reason to support the Fawcett Society's letter.

A year or two ago, after industrial drinking over many hours, she got a lift with friends to the end of her road. Then - just 300 metres from home but basically legless - she took a taxi with someone she trusted. She then allowed them to stay in a spare bed. Then she took a prescription drug to help her sleep. This allegedly became a self-administered date rape drug.

There was a complaint, forensic samples were taken and an investigation lasted for months. But it led to nothing. Greater Manchester Police even denied - to journalists - that they had interviewed the alleged perpetrator though he and a good friend did have a good old chat with a Detective Constable. After which - all dropped.

The conviction rate on rape is abyssmal. And the way powerful men conspire to avoid a brother's interview, never mind charging or conviction is a travesty.

Dizzy: Vetting Harms Children More Than Not Vetting

DizzyThinks is a great blog. Tory-minded, but still great. Finding facts, statistics and reports and worrying them like a terrier. Sometimes barking "wolf" up the wrong tree. But always interesting.

Dizzy's report on youth opportunities versus safeguarding of children agsinst predators and health and safety is very interesting. The Manifesto Club are campaigning against vetting and they may have a point.

Though I suspect the decline in what they call "Hobby Clubs" predates the rise in CRB checking and the like.

Various youth activities formed part of the LOL childhood, but predatory youth or adults were never a factor. Though there were some future jailbirds and habitual arsonists in my scout troop.

Now I am the father of two kids who take part in a number of activities (and to be completely honest I don't know whether everyone they are led, taught and supported by is CRB checked, and I'm not worrying).

I am a Trustee or Volunteer with various orgs that work with children and young people too. And I have a coaching qualification in athletics - though I coach only adults, I will need a CRB check to progress that.

For six months I worked on ex-coalfield estates with young people. I wasn't CRB checked though I should have been. And I doubt others - in contact with the young people - had had CRB clearance.

There is probably more danger within groups and between the 'adults' attached to participants. And that is simply not covered by CRB checks. Meanwhile tens of thousands of children are on waiting lists for cubs, brownies, scouts and guides. Possibly playing out unsupervised instead.

Vetting is not all that helpful in my opinion. But my impression is (a) there is still a lot of activity for children out there in most areas and (b) the decline in the more paramilitary parts of the "hobby clubs" provision began long before the ramping up of CRB or H&S rules.

Lucy Powell: South Manchester Reporter Feature

An excellent launchpad for Lucy Powell's campaign to win back Manchester Withington for Manchester Labour.

Meanwhile the disreputable incumbent Cllr John Leech MP is pretending that a motion he "has put down" in parliament could stop a development next to Marie Louise Gardens taking place. Newsflash: EDMs signed by mavericks neither stop nor procure anything.

My goodness he's signed some whacko ones and a super soaraway 623 already this session. But this one, trailed in the same edition of the SMR as the announcement of his Nemesis (above) is so whacko it isn't even coming up on his PIMS search page.

LOL expect it will be doing soon. But in the meantime instead of "has put down" honest people say "is going to put down". And instead of "threatened with closure" we say "will change for the better". What a blooming fibber!

EXCLUSIVE: Paul Delaires-Staines Forward, David Rose Regrets ...

Just off to go canvassing with Frank and JB. On my return I'll review the older stories and provide a full caption here. In the meantime careful comments welcome. Click to enlarge.

Flipping Hell: Pairs With Bully Bullingdon Bullshitters

Made by Tim at Bloggerheads for Guido 2.0. LOL must get faster hardware - but the flip score is good doncha think?

EXCLUSIVE Guido Fawkes Provides David Rose "Retraction"

Guido Fawkes has sent me a load of stuff which has just arrived at LOL mansions, though apparently sent at various times over the last few days.

My email has been playing up a bit though I'll have a good look at the full headers to track their progress and true timings.

One of these things is a scan of a letter from Mr David Rose (right) to Mr Fawkes stating some pretty hardcore regret for not reporting Paul Staine's alternative explanation for his undisputed contact with the BNP's Organiser in East Yorkshire.

Mr Rose did not believe Guido's explanation at the time, in fact thinking it "absurd", but four years later - and having spent time (quaffing?) with Staines - Rose thought it seems he should have been more benificent.

REVISED: Guido has sent me the scan to be posted. I Could retype the text. Rose has given Staines permission to show it to people but I have written to him for his point of view anyway.

My reading of the thing is rather different from the one Guido thinks it should have and it does not deal with other aspects of the 1986 Guardian report. Addition: But it would have changed the original story substantially.

Guido has also sent me "A photo of my father - NOT FOR PUBLICATION" and also forwarded his "legal" letter to three other bloggers of February 2007. He told them that it was not for publication. But that doesn't apply to LOL does it?

UPDATE: There have been more emails ... but there is a promise of no more direction communication. Dum, dum, daaar.

UPDATE TWO: LOL have now published the letter from Rose to Staines HERE. Careful comments welcome.

Radio Five Live: Openly Jeering at Lib Dems Grey Grey Grey Launch

RADIO FIVE LIVE 17:44PM: Amazing. News reporter recounts the dullest press launch ever. Andrew Stunnell MP was there it seems. Grey hair, grey suit. And W Menzies Campbell. Grey hair, grey suit. And a grey backdrop. Grey grey grey.

But naturally there was more. Some resolutely negative soundbites. "Vote Lib Dem because we're against whatever you're against". But you haven't asked us what we're against! "Don't have to! Whatever it is we're against it." Well I'm against Lib Dems! "We couldn't agree more."

The anchor and presenter also joshed amiably about the Lib Dem pamphlet which goes with the greyness of the whole thing. Eighty eight pages of non-policy after non-policy which anchor says: "I'm looking forward to reading at my leisure."

Misery for England and Misery for Wales. Lib Dems crowing about stopping our casino HERE and although we cannot find the current document we did found a similar one (download) HERE - but then again that one has some policies in it.

PHOTO: Ruddy Charles Kennedy standing against the same grey background in 2004. Andrew and Menzies faded into its grayness this time with the result that there are no suitable photos available.

Tony Blair: Letter To The Party Faithful

"PLEASE VOTE LABOUR". But please don't stick my photo on your leaflets. Regretably this no longer works.

University Challenge: Manchester vs Durham

Manchester currently monstering Durham as it should be. Last week UCL asked what three word term was used by the Reverend Jesse Jackson to describe the constituency he was looking for for support. They said "The Great Unwashed" which was not correct. Any answers?

UPDATE: Drawn away for 240:90 and a chance to defend our title. Anecdote about one of the insider clots who got in the sabb-packed team the year I tried out. The first year allowed back after the famous piss-taking of Aaronovitch and Co. When I can remember the traitor's name ...

Other People's April Fools: Chorlton Fib Dems, You're Having A Laugh Aren't You? Taking The Proverbial

OBVIOUSLY Laugh Out Loud Labour of Love is hot to trot when it comes to April Fools' Jokes. One at least of our stories yesterday was a wind up. Can you see which one it is yet?

But receiving a double-sided A3 leaflet from an allegedly bona fide political party containing continued ridiculous HospitalHoax Denial was really going much too far.

Probably some people will get this on other days than Sunday 1 April and it is undated. So THEY WILL NOT REALISE that the WHOLE THING is a BIG JOKE ON THEM and not more LIB DEM LIES. It should say "Focus April Fools' Special" on the top.

This is how the BBC covered the story in April 2005 and these Lib Dems have used quotes from less balanced reports from the days immediately after the hoax was set in motion instead of those in the cool light of day.

They could acknowledge that they had stirred up a minor turf war, which would have been resolved in a few days, into a full scale panic. About a dearly loved hospital allegedly closing and needing saving when it never was. But they just keep on digging,

Their smirking photograph - which is not evident on their web sites - shows I feel that they knew all along that their jackanory story was complete rubbish. They knew from the start.

Using press quotes from two years ago to counter the calmer analysis of today is absolutely desperate and inexcusable.

Eighteen months ago Cllr John Leech MP and I had a short email correspondence around his Christie campaign.

Leech clearly realised that distributing propaganda in waiting areas of a hospital, reserved for vulnerable patients and their anxious relatives, where 95% plus of visitors are from other areas, and many are terminally ill was absolutely inexcusable. Even if the story of closure had not been a pack of lies and distortions.

John stated that he had not put the leaflets there himself. As if that is any excuse. But when asked who had and who had supplied them with those leaflets ON THE FIRST DAY after they were printed he was completely embarrassed and silenced.

This was never a hospital under threat of closure. So it was easy to "save" even for the most Junior Member of the House. "Achieved" within a week of his election. As if.

John Leech is in a hole and must stop digging and start owning up. The people of Manchester Withington have friends and relations working in this Hospital and at the University, I know I have, they may work there themselves; and of course most everybody knows an out-patient or two. We ALL know it was never true.

Messing with people's minds and lives like this has been totally unacceptable. It was wrong. And taking us for April Fools with a leaflet repeating long-found-out-lies is I'm sorry utterly contemptible.

This is not a closely contested story. It is a busted flush. Everyone knows it was untrue. The Lib Dems were terminally wrong, they upset even Leech's own staunchest supporters, and Leech and the Lib Dems were bound to be found out.

This is by no means the sole reason Labour lost a vast majority which had taken 18 years to build in just a couple of weeks. But it is one of the many shameful monkeys on Cllr Leech's back.

The truth will out. At least this leaflet, riddled with fibs as it was, did not rubbish our Bobbies, did not hoax about our cemetary, and did not claim that the moon was made of green cheese.

But it was one for April Fools Day that IS for sure.

This Cure For Cancers 'in Five Years', from just one week before Leech and Co launched their storm of crap, is the potential of The Christie and it has been all along.

POSTSCRIPT: LOL still don't know what claims were included in the leaflet that the Lib Dems INCINERATED rather than distributed. If anyone can help with that please drop me a line.

Other People's April Fools: Carr on Dale

Calum Carr has posted a convincing April Fool story claiming that he has only just noticed that ID (Iain Dale) is at times - well all the time almost - a wee bit SMUG. Ha ha ha. ID hides it so well though doesn't he? This is exactly what we love about Iain Dale.

Along with his peculiar non-grasp of economics, statistics and the like; plus his maven qualities and his good grasp of political literature and intrigue. It's that old right brain - left brain dichotomy. Though some of us, natch, have both sides working tolerably well.

PS Calum, if you want to get your stats up you'll have to go over and nah-nahh-na-naaah-na on ID's and other Tory sites. Works a treat. Try picking up the old Guardian Paul Delaire-Staines story!

EXCLUSIVE UPDATE: Tory Boy Guido Fawkes/Paul Staines: Did He Really Make Common Cause in 1986 With Fascists? Has Guido Now Grown Up?

Paul Staines has sent LOL some stuff which he believes clears him. See EXCLUSIVE STORY HERE. There will be more certainly, timing depending on how permissions and so on unfold.


Jailhouse Lawyer has re-published a Guardian piece which reports Guido Fawkes' alter ego Paul Delaires-Staines in his old student days. Like grown up parties in some present day Student Unions his Federation of Conservative Students were according to the report having trouble with commies. He apparently reached out to the BNP proposing an alliance for "direct action" rather than forming a sensible Students 1st alliance with other grown up parties for democracy.

Paul Delaires-Staines wanted to smash the welfare state as well as commies and trade unionists, say the Guardian. Not to mention stalwarts of other bona fide political parties. And while he distanced himself from the BNP's un-nuanced racism the Guardian report the lyrics of a Staines-penned song which is redolent of gas chamber days.

Nice one. Obviously Mr Staines has (a) grown up (though not a lot) and (b) can comment here as LOL has never yet switched off real time comments*. Perhaps he'll send his thugs over to spray paint anti-democracy slogans on my bridges. The Tories were considering chucking him out. But I don't think they ever got round to it.

In 1986 Guardian was a broadsheet, not a tabloid!

Left hand video: Guido THINKS he is burning old media. Right: old media DO burn Guido. Vote on how this alleged-ex-collaborator-with-Nazis or rather his rather splendid alter ego ought to meet his end HERE. Link now live. Apologies.

UPDATE: Guido has been on threatening legal action if this blog post is not removed. LOL have replied that we will publish any rebuttals and that our policy is to apologise and correct real errors as soon as they are discovered. But we don't apologise for "errors" that appear to be "facts".

Our facts are: Guardian published this story in 1986 - their facts are XYZ - Guido is now surely grown up.

UPDATE TWO: Guido - the libertarian to end all libertarians - has been running to law (or threatening to run to law) - on this story for the last couple of months on and off but - don't know where our head was at the time - LOL missed the fuss in February. Perhaps blogging closer to home. The original article is still available in multiple locations on the web.

SEARCH TERMS like: 31 May 1986, David Rose, the Guardian, Paul Staines. Or as linked above.

UPDATE THREE: David Rose (the then-Guardian journalist who broke the story) is said to have moved on to the pre-Scott Observer and in some form or other recanted some of his piece. I've not yet been able to track that or even the date of it - some three years after the fact - down. But I've asked Guido to assist and I'm sure he will. He'd be helping himself.

I cannot see it serving him well to refuse not only to confirm or deny the Guardian's claims, but also to not assist in locating the second-hand reason why the story is in some way a wrong 'un.

SUGGESTION: It has come in off-blog that I should trade Guido taking this story down and apologising for he taking down and apologising for every single wrong 'un he has published and not recanted or apologised for. If we go for that formula I'll be back and offer wronged parties the chance to nominate stories.

ADDENDUM ONE: Clearly having left Manchester University only a few short years before Guido's time up at Hull Tech I lived through a time when we had right wing Tories in Number 10 and when both FCS and NOLS were populous forces in our unions. I also knew a number of silly Tories who were keen fellow travellers with fascist groups and their ilk including the National Front, the British Movement, and yes early-doors BNP. Nasty stickers at dawn. And yes, correctly spelt graffiti suggesting an assist from Tory boys and Tory girls to misspent thugs.

* I'm reminded. Apart from on two single posts where comments were finished. Or needed to be.

Follow Up: Breaking Story 3 - These Boots Are Made For Walking

It'll soon not be April Fool's Day. Hopefully unlike Will Parbury, you've noticed? Spoilt the surprise a bit but In a nutshell:

Cllr John Leech MP and quite a lot of other Libdemologists stuck out a very wonky Press Release about giving to charities. Firmly suggesting that no registered charity name means up to no good - which just isn't true - and that a registered company name also meant up to no good.

This was way wrong - although the Headline was lovely - and LOL as always blogged the truth, showing how globally respected charities like Oxfam also had various registered companies. In fact most charities that TRADE are required by statute to have Limited Companies.

Anyway, "do as I say not as I do" came into play when our hero made a big deal out of a photo opp in which he is shown giving a pair of shoes to Blue Peter's sectarian gaffer Zoe Salmon.

Going where? (a) to a programme - not a charity; run by (b) a corporation - not a charity; to be passed on to (c) a business - not a charity; to sell the shoes commercially, under the auspices of (d) UNESCO - worthy do-gooders, but not a charity and finally pass some of the profit on to (e) a charity.

All but one of these transactions have been proscribed by Mr Leech's whacko Press Release. Where is the "I was wrong" statement?

Meanwhile in the course of careful investigations with sources at Bloopers it was admitted that a good few MPs forgot to bring any shoes in to give to Zoe. So, they slipped out of the shoes they had on, took the picture from shin or waist up, and promised to send some on. Some Tories sent out to Poundstretchers or Quality Save for some cheap pumps.

Most of these naturally forgot, but still used the pictures and sent the press releases. Bloopers don't care much about the niceties because as we have discovered so often it's impression management they care about when Petra dies, when the 'phones don't work, or when they're a pair or two of corridor-of-power shoes down.

Which is where John Boys shoes on his shopping trip to ASDA jumped out at me. But a man can have several pairs of mid brown shoes after all. Leechy may be one of the good guys. But, do you know what dear reader, on this April Fool's Day - when I received yet another ChristieHoax Denial propaganda sheet, presumably NOT meant to be John and Paul's little April Fool joke? - I don't believe a word the man says any more. Not one. Do you?

What was he - as a megastore hater - doing in ASDA anyway? More on that anon.

Follow Up: Breaking Story 2 - Cllr John Leech MP To Stand Down? Really?

ALTHOUGH A WAVE of optimism has passed like wild-fire around Manchester Withington and neighbouring parts of South Manchester, and further grevious accusations have been added to the charge sheet here there is no confirmation from the leader's bunker on Manley Road. It is expected that when Gawsworth aka Carrow Road, the Home of the Canaries, hums into action there will be a press statement, despite young Leech's new found reputation as a media flop. Clearly those that spied on Labour's selection process will also tuck in their ratty tails and report on Lucy Powell's coronation as the people's champion.

Follow Up: Breaking Story 1 - Arrest in Arthog Road

DIDSBURY RESIDENT and former councillor Geoff Bridson, 64, is said to be helping police with enquiries following a raid on his home in Arthog Road, Didsbury at 11:00 am this morning.

Police sources are briefing that they have sealed off the area and evacuated some broody livestock as a deep cover investigation finally seems to be paying off.

Inspector Bobby Dibble, 42, confirmed:

"Certain comestible items have been changing hands in bars, restaurants and social clubs throughout the City of Manchester for incredible prices. All the evidence leads to Mr Bridson.
"What appear to be ordinary free range eggs in a variety of shapes, sizes, colourways and textures have been changing hands for up to £11 apiece. This is 65 times the market rate for the best free range eggs in Tesco's at Baguley where myself and Mrs Dibble do our weekly food shop. Very good it is too. Lots of loss leaders and that. Shame about our local shops.
"But I digress. Mr Bridson is a retired engineer, renowned horticulturalist and almost certainly the best councillor Didsbury ever had (1984-1992). Why is he mixed up in such a shady business?
"These eggs are revered like gold dust by the crowds at these gatherings. Sometimes they are auctioned. Sometimes they are the star raffle prize ahead of magnums of Champagne and collectible Malt Whisky. They have even been given out as prizes for community champions and the like.
"To make matters worse for him Mr Bridson personally annotates every carton with messages in a code which police cryptologists are still trying to crack. We know where he bought the biro he uses, but the fiendish cipher is impenetrable. The eggs are unmarked and unstamped.
"We've more Bobbies on the Beat than ever before. But we're flummoxed."
"The winners joke about their special attributes. 'Salmonella Specials', 'Bridson Bombs', 'Geoff's Golfballs' and so on.
"We have recently seized half a dozen from the home of a local 'bloke who blogs' following frivolous mentions of these in his publication.
"We have observed Mr Bridson rushing forward to congratulate the winners, making sure they handle the eggs with care, and having what look to be conspiratorial chats with them."

LOL have learned that a series of pictures of Mr Bridson in The South Manchester Distorter are also being treated as clues. Bridson is in the paper so much and was such an excellent local councillor that many local people believe he still is their councillor and find he treats their case work with more urgency and dedication that what are widely known throughout South Manchester as "the Lib Dem duds".

Readers are urged to come forward with any information however trivial it may seem to you. Can you help your local police to decipher the following secret message which is typical:
"DIDSBURY FARM EGGS 23/3/07 Cook well."

Breaking News 3: More Woes For BBC as Yet Another Blue Peter Scandal Emerges

TODAY 11:59PM

THERE ARE RED FACES all round today at the BBC and Blue Peter as yet another deception scandal has been leaked to the press. This folows hot on the heels of Wogan-Gate, Recipe-Gate, Blue-Peter-Phone-Fiddle-Gate, and Easter-Songs-of-Praise-Gate. The working title of this new cross "Gate" is said to be "Shoe-Shine-Shuffle-Business-Not-Charity-Gate. At least one North West MP is said to have colluded with the emerging scam.

Breaking News 2: Cllr John 'Two Jobs' Leech MP "Considering His Position"

TODAY 11:40 AM
COUNCILLOR JOHN Leech MP is today said to be considering his position after ongoing criticism for:

- A Hospital Closure and other Hoaxes
- Doing Two Jobs Badly
- Having Breathtakingly High Expenses
- Breaking Commons Protocols
- Associating With Duplicitous Politicians
- Signing Whacky Commons Motions
- Allegedly Overspending At Elections
- Being a Media Tart But Facing Relegation
- Procuring £23,000 From One Donor

A person "close to the MP" said he was faced with a difficult choice between returning to Manchester and taking up an offer to lead the Lib Dem Group in the Town Hall, while resuming work on behalf of neglected ward residents. Or continuing to get slapped down in parliament. In some 29 spoken contributions to Commons debates there was only one in which he had not been slapped down for schoolboy errors. And that was one of the five Lib Dem opposition debates. Do the Maths.

The insider categorically denied that the MPs bout of confusion and self-doubt was anything to do with Labour's selection of the strong local candidate Lucy Powell who was born and bred in the constituency and has the demonstrable connections and experience to actually get things done for Manchester Withington instead of talking the area down.

"He will not be relishing getting walloped at the polls. He is certainly not likely to be offered a peerage when he fails. But this has absolutely nothing to do with his crisis of conscience."

"This is all off the record, right?" they added, too late.

New Iscris-SORI Opinion Poll:

TODAY 11:15 AM
NEW POLLSTERS Iscris-SORI have today released the following headline results from their first Manchester survey.

Iscris-SORI asked 1,000 residents of Chorlton Park Ward:

1. Do you know Norman Lewis who is a local councillor for your area?

Never heard of him 53%
Seen him on blurry focus leaflets 18%
Seen him riding by on his bike once 11%
Got, NO scratch that, said he'd get my gate fixed once 3%
Cried wolf about our cemetary 8%
Cried wolf about our hospital 5%
He's a lovely bloke down the pub 1%
He's fantastic and I am not his family 1%

2. Do you believe that the Frank Gallagher character from Channel 4's Shameless programme, recorded in Manchester, resembles local Lib Dem councillor Norman Lewis? Residents were shown a picture of Mr Lewis as 53% had claimed they had no idea who he was.

Yes 98%
No 1%
Dunno 1%

3. Who do you think had most to lose by publicising this observation which had been placed on a scarcely seen "weblog" - a form of diary website attracting opinionated cranks and hobbyhorsists as well as serious commentators and journalists - to some 80,000 readers (VFD 42,000) of a respected local free newspaper. More answers than one possible.

Certainly not the Lib Dems 95%

Probably the Lib Dems 5%
Possibly Labour 65%
Possibly other parties 30%

Possibly Channel 4 90%
Possibly the blogger bloke 90%

4. Would you be surprised to hear that it was the Lib Dems themselves who gave the story to the paper?

I'm shocked and horrified 95%
Good for them 5%

5. Would you trust the Lib Dem party that would be this stupid to represent your community?

Never again 65%
Probably 5%
Am I bovvered? 30%

In breaking news Iscris-SORI have been reported to Polling ombudsman (a) for asking leading questions and (b) passing themselves off as Ipsos-MORI which Iscris-SORI categorically deny, saying "Ipsos-MORI are pants and now you've pointed this complete coincidence out we may change our name or force them to do so. We are named after our founder Bart Iscris-Sori".

Seems pretty conclusive. But more if this story develops.

Breaking News: Police Snatch Pensioner in Didsbury

TODAY: 11:00 am
POLICE HAVE sealed off a pensioner's home in Didsbury following an undercover operation lasting for "more than 12 months" which itself followed an anonymous tip off.

An unnamed pensioner, considered something of a local community hero, is said to be helping police with their enquiries. And in an unusual twist the RSPCA have attended the scene and taken some unspecified livestock into protective custody.

More from LOL as this story develops.