UKIP Comedy Page: Returns Droogy, A Site Privodeeted by a Bezoomny Malenky Monkey

LOL used to link to bezoomny Chad at the UKIP Comedy Page. Now he's back, possibly on either rather more or rather less medication and calling himself YHN, posting in pigeon Nadsat at Droogie.com. Don't speak Nadsat myself but have got a Russian O Level which is close enough.

His current lead story tells us how the Tory spin privodivat Steve Hilton (right with his mini-Privo) has had his devotchka Rachel Whetstone poogy Google into dumping Chad as top result of their search engine. A likely story.

GLOSSARY: Bezoomny - mad; Privodeet/Privodivat - lead/leader; Malenky - little; Monkey - monkey; YHN - Your Humble Narrator; Nadsat - teenager, teen argot; Devotchka - girl; Poogy - frighten.

Hillary Clinton: Interactive Campaigning to Music

Dizzy found these. Hillary asking readers to take part in a poll. And sharing early results.

EXCLUSIVE Tory Cuts: Week Slashed to 72 Hours

Iain Dale has confounded critics who dub him the motley "court blogger" for Old King Cameron with a shocking revelation of Tory cuts that get right to the heart of the national life. He's done a Willets!

Since when was Wednesday "about a week ago"? Give us back the other 58% of our week you blue scoundrels!

Apart from the whoopsy we find the jester Dale listing a number of New Labour Ministers and inviting readers to put away their potty mouths and misogyny for a moment and rank their favourite three most incompetent 1-2-3.

The following is by no means a comprehensive list of Ministers now judged COMPETENT and BEYOND REPROACH by Iain Dale's Diary:

Hazel Blears escapes I see, and Alan Johnson, and Peter Hain, and Hilary Benn (i.e. four of the five DL Minister candidates), and Jack Straw, and David Miliband, and Michael Meacher, and Beverly Hughes (!), and Phil Woolas, and Andy Burnham, and Alan Milburn, and Ian McCartney, and Alistair Darling, and Baroness Amos, and Robin Cook, and Richard Caborn, and Meg Munn, and very surprisingly David Blunkett, and Tony Blair himself.

Hurrah! Names of others missed in comments please.

Meanwhile the Tories are dipping into a very shallow and small gene pool of toffs, biffers, blethers and Bullingdon bullshitters.

Iain Dale: Labour and Lib Dem MPs Champion McJobs (Once They Have Been Re-Christened)

Iain Dale has a good dig at Clive Betts MP for having an EDM go at the term "McJob" popularised by Douglas Coupland in Generation X oooh, almost a generation ago. Second signatory John Leech MP, like Betts declaring an interest thanks to their shared World Cup McJunket*, seems to have Mr Dale a bit baffled, along the lines of a "who he?" moment. Let LOL assist a little with this story of how Mr Leech narrowly missed his chance to bathe in glory at a former McJob. And there's this one with a spot the ball competition thrown in. And finally Kerron's ramblings about Johno not really earning a losers' man of the match award.

* Unlike Betts, Leech apparently did a U-Turn and gave the World Cup tickets back to the sponsor ... after quite an outcry it must be said.

Newsnight: Beeston and Broxtowe, Griffin and Vaz

The greater part of the research I was doing today was into BNP activity. We have a by-election in a couple of weeks in a strong Labour ward in North Manchester. This is not far from the ward where the BNP polled more than 700 votes in May. There is some ancient history of NF activity. But the 700 votes came from a standing start, more than half won I'd say from people who don't regularly vote, and many from Tories and Libs who ran minimal campaigns.

The same elfin scrote is their candidate once again. More on that soon.

However the Newsnight piece was fascinating. People in Nottinghamshire, with almost 100% Labour support in the vox pop, were concerned about immigration as can be expected. But about immigration of building tradesmen from accession countries.

Newsnight then had a video love triangle with the convicted hate-merchant Nick Griffin and Keith Vaz who is a long standing MP in the East Midlands as well as recently being elected NEC Representative for Ethnic Minorities. Gavin Esler asked at one point in his video interview: "Why do we have the BNP on?" And he was right. Why did they have the BNP on?

Busy Friday: Research, Action, Contemplation

But not hometown blogging so far. This may be corrected later. There is that banquet of half-baked items to cook off. The oft-promised Parbury election anecdotes. And a Home and Garden photo special carried forward from Easter ...

Deputy Dawgs: Extra Hustings, Manchester, May 31st

Details to follow. Party members only. 31 May also the last day to join and vote. You know you want to.

Dave-id Cameron: Anthromorphic Sock Puppets

David Cameron with Sock Puppets. Like Blair without the class.

Germaine Greer: Triumph of a Lesbian Gypsy

Have just caught up with THIS from Germaine on Marija Serifovic's victory at Eurovision. Good stuff.

McDonnell Fan: "We Only Need to Win Once ; )"

So that's it? But then again I think that's what Blair said. And he did it.

Mugabe/Tenzin: How Wrong Can a Blogger Be?

Six weeks ago I used the stencil art (right) to illustrate a blog post referring to Robert Mugabe. How wrong can a blogger be? This is in fact an image of Tenzin a Buddhist monk whose death sentence has been commuted to life. Funny old language we have.

The stenciller for Manchester apparently didn't think it at all likely to work, but found the sentiment went down well with prospective female friends.

Click on the name above to send a firm letter to the Government of China and prove this agit-flirt completely wrong.

Corrected information came from the magnificent MCR Marks blog.

Dizzy Thinks: Tory Blogger of the Day

Sad to say Dizzy did not win Tory Blogger of the year from Conservative Home. Certainly the best of the shortlist. So have the judges whoever they are been wowed by Iain's statwanks?

While Iain still had leftover scraps from yesterday on display Dizzy has rattled off some fine stories. Spotting this Manchester/Salford story of Traffic Wardens with an electronic eye and on-the-spot fines for ASB for one.

And spotting that Gordon Brown's brother works in PR for EDF who have designs on new Nuclear Power Station contracts for two.

On the first story the head-mounted CCTV seems novel but we've had wardens doing instant tickets for ASB for years and surely a Tory blogger doesn't mind if they're public or private if they do the work?

And of course Dizzy would be the first to complain - hours before Iain Dale - if EDF didn't get the contract if they offered the best VFM.

Though LOL will be hoping as a red-green lefty to stop the Power Stations and save Gordy the quandary.

Turing Machines: Censoring Arts Blogs

But what is the key? Been having a tremendous struggle to get comments published at a particular artist's blog. Taking the URL out helps. But does not suffice. What does the censor in chief require?

Is this pitched battle the real artwork?

Ed Balls MP: With Big Brother at His Shoulder

LOL have been back to the Yorkshire Evening Post site for Ed Balls and other MPs explaining their vote on Mr Maclean's Tory Bill on Friday.

One of the Bill's critics, Liberal Democrat Simon Hughes (voted, unlike Ming and DC) is promising that his troops will be out-naming-and-shaming MPs who voted for the bill - although largely to prevent a talking out attempt:

"ensuring that nobody can be in any doubt as to who must take responsibility for these dangerous plans making progress."

Presumably they'll have to flirt with the truth a bit? Exaggerate shamelessly? Let's see. By pretending the MPs wanted to cover up their expenses? That should do it. Tell lies in other words.

Don't get me wrong. It's a terrible Tory Bill. Backed 21-4 by the Tories in the room. But the Lib Dems have just announced a campaign of lies in a press release!

CAPTION: Mr Balls' acceptance speech at the Charity Champions Awards was overseen by his very own Big Brother

Tory FOIer David Maclean MP: "Listening to You"?

You'd have thought that there would be lots of insider info on the Tory ex-Chief Whip David Maclean's latest forays against Freedom of Information on his natty website.

Sadly not, though there was news of his new extra site to listen to our opinions HERE. Sadly this is a series of forced answer yes/no questions in five headings. There is no planned opportunity to make your own freeform comments or ask Maclean a question.

The address box at the top doesn't appear to have any word limit however and you can tap at will there, though I've not tried submitting a long comment for the moment.

Electoral Commission: Political Donations

Dizzy is beside himself with glee that Respect have only recorded £4636.28 as a donation with the Electoral Commission ... and had to give this back as it came from Dubai's Khansaheb Civil Engineering. It was less than the BNP's £6,000 anyway! How Dizzy laughed!

And of course Dizzy reckons that Respect and the BNP have in common their misogyny and homophobia. Now, I don't know how many Respect activists Dizzy actually knows? But I'd like to assure him that when it comes to misogyny, homophobia and indeed racism the BNP have more in common with certain Tory Boy Bloggers than ever with Respect activists.

Back to the numbers. Captain Sensible's Blah! Party meanwhile have received £ 35,350.00, part of a mighty total of £ 209,898.50. Most of which is in cash rather than the non-cash it's recorded as.

Usually at this point the Tory Blogoferia would begin crowing about how much Labour received. Sadly the main parties have been skipped by Dizzy this quarter. Whyever is that?

Labour £ 4,966,059.00
(plus Co-op Party £ 352,725.65)
Tories £ 3,744,572.36
Lib Dems £ 1,169,331.20
SNP £ 495,663.00
UKIP £ 109,121.95
Plaid £ 55,591.08
Green £ 8,322.00

It is Quarter 2 which contains the immediate election period of course.

We'll have to wait three months to see how things work out.

Dale's Quixotic Quest: Gordon Brown, Celebrity

"Sorry Bob. THIS is how much I care about celebrity, or what Dale says."

The Tory Boy Blogoteria is grasping at straws. "Gordon Brown and Celebrity" is the working title of a 'short video film' - which phrase one could fisk to shreds - which Mr Iain Dale proposes to make.

Surely Brown's attitude to celebrity is more about Blair and Cameron playing at being **celebrities** themselves rather than occasionally politely shaking hands with one or even being on a platform with one who dreams of being a politician.

Brown is Mr Dale will find relatively, indeed extremely, ascetic in these matters. And this piece has the making of a thin series of isolated anecdotes "proving" a duff theory of a generality. That would be a very poor show. Best stop now.

If Iain draws a relative blank on this. Finds no case to answer ... And let's face it that in asking his blog readers to assist he must be drawing a bit of a blank already ... I hope that Iain will put his hands up and admit that, whatever else Brown may be, he is more of a monk than a groupee when it comes to brushing with celebrity.

Still less actually aiming to be one himself. As Mr Dale and Mr Cameron both. Like Mr Blair (pictured right, receiving Beau Bo D'or BAFTA) before them.

Shawcross and Fawkes: Gunpowder Treason and Plot

Hamer Shawcross and Guido Fawkes were both on the missing list for a slightly staggered long weekend. Has anyone ever seen them together? Or can they now be described as co-conspirators?

Shawcross: Last Post 18/5 09:06 am Return Post 22/5 09:56 am
Fawkes: Last Post 17/5 17:04 am Return Post 21/5 18:37 am

Famous Belgians: "Herge" Georges Remi Centenary

Stephen Spielberg and Peter Jackson have each committed to at least one of an initial three feature film Tintin franchise.

BNP: Steve Bell and Michael White 5, Barking MP 0

Barking MP Margaret Hodge, supported by Hazel Blears alone of the Deputy Dawgs, has clearly misjudged the story AGAIN. Her constituents are more sophisticated and reasonable than she thinks. And sticking to the facts and debunking the myths as Michael White suggests and good neighbour Jon Cruddas practices successfully is the way to go.
Steve Bell Merchandise HERE.

Freedom of Information Act: Brown Will Sort It

Tory MP David Maclean rides a £3,300 quad bike through our Liberties, and below waves a red rag and some bull at Brampton, Cumbria."

The Guardian is correct to suggest that Gordon Brown is planning to sort out this unfortunate affair with a smart deal rather than a great clunking fist. Meanwhile as predicted opposition leaders and bloggers try to exploit the vote with a varying level of hypocrisy.

Most of us surely accept that MPs' private correspondence on behalf of constituents to public bodies should be protected? Most of us would surely wish to see more not less information on the detail of parliamentary expenses? Even with chronic scandalised misreporting.

As the Guardian report at the above link: "Mr Brown has come under criticism for appearing to support the measure at the same time as he has called for a more transparent government."

But writing in the Yorkshire Evening Post, Brown's sidekick-in-chief Mr Ed Balls said:

"Like many other MPs, I've been concerned that my correspondence on behalf of my constituents to other public bodies can be made public ... A private member's bill may not be the ideal way to go about settling this issue, but it's important we reach a conclusion whereby constituents are properly protected."

But he added:

"As for the proper public scrutiny of MPs' expenses and allowances ... the Speaker has said they will continue to be published. That's the right thing to do and I would like to see an amendment to that effect included in the bill."

Although only a quarter of Lib Demmers turned out for the vote, and Tories who turned up, including nine front benchers, voted for the unamended private members bill TEN-to-ONE, bothDave-id Cameron and Ming Campbell are competing in the outraged hypocrisy stakes

My information is that Labour MPs piled in on Friday to shut down the debate - the opposite of fillybustering - and that Gordon will sort things out to everyone's satisfaction - except perhaps the quad-biking David Maclean MP - with consenting adults of all parties in the Lords. A second piece of McDonnellism in just a couple of days.

Iain Dale has taken the opportunity to call Ming Campbell a liar for his saying Tory Front Benchers backed the bill. Only nine of them says Dale. But just TWO would have made Mr Campbell a truth-sayer, much as it goes against his party's "convictions". As Tories would have passed this bill by more than TEN-to-ONE on their own if Labour and Libs had all stayed home I think Mr Campbell whose people would have almost stopped them in fact has the slightly higher ground.

This has all been a rather clumsy way to get to a result - courtesy of a former Tory Chief Whip - but what ends well ends well. Full stop.

QUAD BIKE NOTES: Much as Libertarian PJC Blog disputes the legality of Mr MacLean's transport I think it is a completely fair use of public money, unlike his ridiculous Tory private members' bill which has so far cost us an estimated .... £xxxxxx?????

Bernard Kouchner: Thanked by Mandela, Pro Iraq War, Now Sarkozy's Socialist Foreign Minister

I mentioned David Lindsay's blog recently. His post about French kicking their "surrender monkey" habit went like this:

Bernard Kouchner was one of the very few French Socialists to support the Iraq War. His punishment for this gargantuan error? Appointment as Sarkozy's Foreign Minister. Of course.

That's all David says. But Kouchner was also a co-founder of Medecins sans Frontieres and Mandela once whispered to him "Thanks for intervening in matters that don't concern you."

So perhaps it is not that simple.

David was certainly wrong in my eyes to have been taken in by Margaret Hodge's View from Barking.

Labour Leadership: Changing the Rulebook

On 18th May Calder Valley CLP unanimously passed a resolution calling for the nomination threshhold to be dropped from 12.5% to 7.5%. These are the figures that apply where there is a vacancy. Where there is a challenge the figure is I think 20% and that one is not slated to change.

This doesn't seem like a bad idea. I might be tempted to trade this - or a fixed figure (20?) - for an increase in the number for a hostile challenge when there is no vacancy. However, I do not think this resolution gets to the heart of the problem. The membership and affliated trade unionists numbering 3 million or more can easily be excluded from input by the Westminster professionals numbering around 350. It's not happened before quite like this. Perhaps it will never happen again.

But the system is wrong. Very wrong, even if it provides a contest of sorts. There is a huge conflict of interest for MPs. They rely on the winner for opportunities. I believe all three elements of the party should be able to nominate in case of a vacancy. Anything else is an undemocratic travesty.

Luke Akehurst suggests (as an amusement) a self nomination process confined to those who have not once broken the whip in the current parliament. Not the worst idea Luke's ever had.

Gordon Brown: His First McDonnellite Policy

Luke Akehurst hopes that this Guardian story is true. And so do I. This is McDonnellite. Making the Lords 100% elected, with some form of PR.

Labour Blogsclusive: Dave-id Cameron to be Cast as Bligh in Bounty Mutiny Re-enactment?

Clearly reading UK Daily Pundit's comment at Conservative Home will advise LOL readers that right wing bloggers are saying Cameron will be gone by his own doing or otherwise by the end of 2007. Wonder what the price is on that eventuality? (4-1 that he is first leader to go)

Tory Boy Bloggers: Dale-Fisk-Gate, the Aftermath

There is an interesting discussion going on at Conservative Home about Melissa Kite's Tory shadow cabinet predictions (yawn), Iain Dale's bullocking fisking of these (yawn), the way the ensuing spat has developed through feud to vendetta.

Reading Ms Kite's Sunday Telegraph riposte-riposte-riposte (yes, it's getting tortuous) we find a sample of obnoxious commentary she has endured, mostly on Guido Fawkes' blog.

One of the more interesting comments at Conservative Home is the one from The Daily Pundit reproduced below.


The UK Daily Pundit, like Guido Fawkes, is not a member of any UK party but both can be considered natural Tories who appear to dislike Dave-id Cameron quite a bit.

Melissa Kite and Iain Dale: Kiss Fisk and Make Up

Today, the Tory Telegraph Op-Ed writer Melissa Kite used her column to further her ongoing struggle for respect from Tory Boy Bloggers like ID, GF and TM. Inevitably MK has got still more disrespect as a result.

Penny on Radio Five Live picked this story. With Melissa sharing some of the virtual passes, virtual gropes, virtual goosings and slagging off she had 'enjoyed' from this nasty element of the Tory Blogotoria. As a result of expressing an opinion.

Of course Mr Dale texted straight in to Penny on R5 saying Melissa was the sexist one for calling these tory boy bloggers, er "boys". He has this morning written a post continuing the love in.

I don't much care about the Tory Front Bench re-shuffle; the more are sacked the better I suppose; the more getting a platform to show their "talents"; the more shuffling the better.

But when I first blogged that Iain was wrong to rag Melissa he threw his toys. He didn't reply to the next one about Melissa's response piece.

But soon after my comment on one of his posts, asking for a proper source and link to some vague statistics, was met with a torrent of abuse from Iain himself. And also naturally from his horde of attack nasties.

So these Tory boy bloggers and their outriders lambast and objectify women. They simply lambast men who dare to disagree. Naturally with traces of homophobia and willy waving. It's so panto it's not true.

Melissa reports today that Alan Duncan has joined in battle to help these boys out when they are unhappy with someone else's opinion. Perhaps Melissa could get Lady T to take a handbag to him and sort him out?!

One of Dale's more intelligent commenterati found this glorious link to a suitable headline for the Tory Boy Blogger Girl Monstering process.

Seems to me that Iain Dale should try to see Melissa's point of view here. When they were still friends he launched a very harsh critique of her opinion, of her speculation. Actually a teeny difference of opinion launched a staggering wave of misogynist fury and creepy wet dreamage.

I don't blame Melissa for being annoyed.

Iain should apologise. And not for claiming she is his friend when she no longer is. She could be Iain's friend and vice versa. Perhaps she has over-reacted. But why should anyone put up with this? Time to kiss and make up. Iain's move I think.

Comment is free, facts are sacred. This was comment. Should be free of trolling and monstering.

Everybody Hates Chris: Thanksgiving Special

Before I report on my investigation into the Dale-Kite spat I'd like to say that I LOVE "Everybody Hates Chris". Apart from validating my whole life story, in the series title alone, it is often very funny.

I'm not sure "Everybody Hates Thanksgiving" was anywhere near the funniest. But the last minute was marvellous.

The family had had macaroni cheese for their scheduled "feast" - due to a cock up on the catering front - and Uncle (Huggy Bear) had handed Chris a subversive book by "Trevor X" to help with his homebook.

Many hours later they had their turkey too. And after the holiday, back in school Chris insisted on reading his homework: 'The Meaning of Thanksgiving: What I'm Thankful For' to the class.

It meant family love to him. And reminded him of how the Pilgrim Fathers were so very welcomed. Roofs over their heads and a thanksgiving feast, thanks to the Native Americans. In thanks the pilgrims slaughtered the Native Americans, and so what Chris was most thankful for was NOT being Native American.

How DO they sell this cosy family gathering to the good people of America?

Radio Five Live: Later, There Was Still More

After the race there was something on with some woman called Penny laying into empathising against a Tory Boy Blogger called Iain Dale for his (and his colleagues and all their lewd commenting crew) sexist trolling of some real journalist called Melissa Kite. Or something like that. Iain even texted in an immediate defence suggesting Melissa was sexist for calling Tory Boy Bloggers "Boys". Resolved to get to the bottom of this story. Who TF is Iain Dale, and Who OE is Melissa Kite?
UPDATE: Crossing out and comment in brackets is new today, Monday, 10am, following a Dale complaint.

Great Manchester Run: Across The Pennines

Today 10s of 000s were pounding the streets of Manchester in the annual 10k. Normally I'd be with them and was putting together a good series with 37, 36, 35 until last year where I ran unfit with a bad cold for 42 minutes.

This year I took Tarus to Sheffield for the Half Marathon instead. Alas, one of his Shakespearo fellow Kenyans escaped the gravity of the GMR and T was only second, still comfortably his best race at the distance.

Our "run" across the Pennines meant several hours of dipping in and out of Radio Five Live. The great CCTV debate, yawn; jocks taking steroids, yawn; and William Hague on the necessity of a General Election.

"Oh" said Julian Worricker "But John Major didn't have one when Margaret Thatcher resigned. Why should Gordon Brown?"

"Oh" replied William "18 Pops" Hague "But that's different. Margaret Thatcher had no intention of going early."

Yeah, right! But Tony Blair did? Hoist by own petard.